By the GRACE OF GOD, I am still here. A little over a week ago, I posted that I was going to William’s Creek in Marrott Park to study chiropractic and read a new self-help book. Things were feeling great. Made Mom lunch and picked-up an Italian Nightclub w/hot peppers (my fav!) at Jimmy Johns for myself. A beautiful Autumn afternoon to study in the Sunshine with the tranquility of leaves changing color, the flow of the creek’s water ambience, and dogs playing off their leashes hidden from the law. I had no idea that it might be my last day alive. The next day I collapsed in the worst pain of my life. My abdominal area felt it was filled with acid and being stabbed by butcher knives. Everything happened so fast. My eyes were tearing and I was screaming. I tried to stand and hold onto the sink to pull myself up... only to start violently vomiting. Colors changed until what was coming out was blood. I yelled “help!” to Mom, but I couldn’t yell loud because I could not breathe... so she could not hear me. With my face down in the sink, I blindly patted the counter for my phone... and being a bull-headed man... instead of calling 911, I called my friend, Dorothy. She left her event and drove over in about 10 minutes. I curled in a ball on the floor crying, moaning, and screaming. She demanded I go to the hospital. Mom was crying and wailing as I refused to call 911. I gave in to Dorothy and said “I’ll go.” I glanced for my Crucifix, but could not see... I was seeing blurs of color... and they were NOT pretty. I kissed Mom on the head as I stumbled past her out the door saying, “I love you, Mom.” As Dorothy sped at mach speed down Meridian Street, I said my final prayers. I told her I wasn’t gonna make it. I was going in and out of consciousness and seeing those terrible, colored lights. Crying and screaming and hunched forward griping my abdominal area... I saw my park that I was at the day before, the house I grew-up in, Broad Ripple, and so many friend’s homes. I was praying and repeating to Dorothy that I wasn’t gonna make it. I had told her to take me to Wishard. My Grandfather had been a surgeon there and other hospitals have really disappointed me. She parked at the door and ran in for a doctor and wheelchair. I went ahead and, bent over, tried to stumble through the automatic doors... only to turn around and projectile vomit blood. They wheeled me into the ER. I was convulsing in pain, screaming, and unable to breathe. They had to restrain me to the gurney by the wrists and ankles. They immediately sedated me with a heavy dose of morphine. I was told my body had turned green. They drew so much of my blood for all possible testing. They put devices on my legs that are timed to induced lower extremity circulation... apparently it was waning. They ran chest and abdominal CT scans, physical and neuro, urine, etc. I was given more morphine. The pain was the worst I have ever felt in my life. And I know pain. Being a sponsored skateboarder, I have broken my arms, my spine in 3 places, my fingers, nose, ankle, skull and more. Those were nothing in comparison to this constant, horror of pain that was in my abdomen, spine, and chest. Finally. My ER doc arrived with my diagnosis. In so many words, my pancreas blew-up. The decision had to be made to either operate... or... see if I could be medically stablized. I was medically stabilized and spent a full week in the hospital. I’m back at home with a mostly destroyed pancreas. I’m still in terrible pain. There is good news though. My pancreas had no lesions and no parts are missing. My doctors told me my pancreas will heal to 100% virgin health!!!! I’m on meds for it and a special diet as it regenerates/rebuilds itself. In addition, with all the testing... my medical team said my liver is perfect... as are all my organs and body. They told me this is extraordinary! I feel so blessed to be alive. I’ve decided not to go to rehab. I’ve been in and out of rehab more than Lindsey Lohan and Charlie Sheen combined in the past few years. I take it seriously and realize that it helps some people, but it hasn’t worked for me. I end-up making lots of new friends and staying sober for a couple of months and then relapsing. I have a choice: LIVE or DIE. If I start partying again, my doctors told me with true compassion, I will die soon after. I choose life. So I’m gonna do this with God, family, and the support of my friends. Speaking of friends... THANK YOU for sticking with me thru all this over the years. I would do it for you. You make me feel blessed. I’m going to continue getting back to work as a chiropractor, painting, and writing. I will continue taking care of Mom, who is the true warrior, battling stage 4 advanced breast cancer. She is my hero. I’m hoping to get a part-time job at gym in the interim, if I can get a family member to watch Mom when I would be gone. She is bed-ridden and cannot function alone. And no... I did not “find God” thru this experience. God doesn’t get lost... we do. I have been going to Mass/Church every chance I get. “I am a child of God.” John 1:12 Namaste, peace, love, eternal bliss, and huge hugs. Your friend, Sammy
Posted on: Sat, 19 Oct 2013 13:01:36 +0000
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