Can I be in some other part of the world and feel the same about anything I feel about now? The boredom I feel? What remedy for that would suffice if I were in another country? Would there be such a thing as boredom there? Maybe it wouldnt last as long as it does here and now where I am, cozy, bored and border line if not already glutenous in the U.S. Im over due for some inspiration. Would I still hurt over my ex, would I still have a huge crush on that guy? Who cares, right? It cant possibly matter, right? It doesnt because at the present moment, I can barely make it to the other side of town on my empty tank of gas. At 25, im at the mercy of my parents. I dont have a job, or a place to live. I wonder how other people do it, who have nothing and somehow are able to pick up and leave, or so it seems .Once upon a time I decided to remain an artist for the health of my soul, so that I would see the world in color and always be inspired. But lately my vision has turned monochromatic. Im not seeing my life, my limbs, my functioning organs, as gifts meant for tools to relish in the beauty and nourishment of life itself. Rather I have become a tool for my own survival, with or with out color, or inspiration or lust for life but merely for survival. And I see it changing in me more everyday. I am Conforming for that cookie cutter security that I used to swear against, and I want to go back.
Posted on: Mon, 17 Jun 2013 06:14:00 +0000
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