Carnival Games By Tracy K. Lorenz August 5, 2013 When you live two blocks away from the Coast Guard Festival Carnival you tend to spend more time around carnies than one would deem healthy. Being around the carnies wouldn’t be so bad if the carnies weren’t attached to games, games that can not be won. I have a seven-year-old who isn’t yet capable of doing the cost-benefit analysis associated with using a softball to knock three building blocks off a table for two dollars. Especially when no one, ever, has knocked those blocks off the table. (They used to use cement-filled bottles as a target but someone actually knocked them down in 1967 so they switched to wooden cubes.) The really amazing thing is how little the games have changed over the centuries and yet people keep lining up to, basically, toss their money down a rat hole. I was thinking of getting a booth where people would pay me three dollars to poke them in the eye for a chance to win a stuffed Scooby-Doo. So as a reminder for next year I’m going to write myself a column this year describing the games, the trick to winning, and the odds of that actually happening. Hopefully I’ll remember to review it again before next August. The Basketball Game: No game draws a bigger crowd than the basketball game, as soon as some mope hands over his money a throng will appear so they can tell their grand-kids that they actually saw someone make the shot. That isn’t going to happen. The ball is over inflated, the rim is bent to the shape of a football, and the basket is, like, twelve feet high. The only POSSIBLE way to make a basket is to absolutely chuck the ball straight up in the air so it comes down like a Jart dropped by God. If there’s even the slightest bit of an arc or you touch any portion of that rim the ball isn’t going through. Ever. When you add physics to the fact there are a hundred people watching you fail the pressure becomes too much. I saw three guys try the shot over the course of a week and not one of them even caught metal, three shots, three air balls, thank you, please pull ahead. Odds of winning: Zero Chance of impressing your date: What date? Swinging the Giant Hammer and Ringing a Bell: I’m pretty observant and I haven’t noticed a whole lot of railroads being built around here lately. The only way you could win this game is to spend your days pounding spikes into timber. I saw a couple guys try and both slunk away like a college girl doing the walk of shame. I did see one person win, my son tried his luck on the kids version and the lady running the game used her hand to push the bell-ringer up the last foot or so. He won a giant inflatable sword that was flat by the time we got home. Odds of winning: Less than zero Odds of injury: Greater than zero. Shooting the Red Star with BB’s: Uh huh, that’s going to happen. Odds of winning: One in ten thousand Odds of being tempted to open fire on the carnie: One in five Throwing a dart and popping a balloon: Okay, finally a game you can win because everyone is a winner, you just keep throwing until you pop a balloon. When you finally pop a balloon you win a prize they keep under the shelf and it looks like the ultra-sound of the prizes they display. You’re basically trading $3 for a prize worth a dime. That’s not sound finance. Odds of winning: 100% Cost of winning a prize you can be proud of: $100.00 The Dunk Tank: They have an annoying clown who whistles and mocks you, that clown probably makes $300,000.00 a year. I think his seat is welded down so unless you’re Nolan Ryan and you hit the target dead center prepare to be mocked. I have to admit this is the only “Game of skill” I’m even remotely tempted to play. The only caveat is the target is up high, it’s an unnatural throw, and the fact they give you ten throws for five bucks leads me to believe it’s not that easy. Ten throws just gives the clown ten chances to mock you. Odds of winning: 5% Odds of me winning next year: We’ll see.
Posted on: Wed, 07 Aug 2013 02:41:27 +0000
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