Christopher Jeffery Ruby, In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die. Where you invest your love, you invest your life. You know that feeling where your stomach is in the back of your throat? Today feels that times 10. Can you believe its been a year since you have gone to heaven Chris ? Where did it go... I can honestly say not one day feels better. It still feels like yesterday. Maybe because Ive marked every month on my calendar, covered my office, room and everything else I own with you. My very favorite tattoo thats horribly messed up, yeah I did that. I got a tattoo just for you my dear. Its amazing, its a ruby with little orange angel wings. The wings are totally not even close to looking like each other. You would laugh!! You would love it, and never let me live it down. Just like your wonderful tattoo with the pizza. I showed your mother and I was going to get it redone, but her wonderful heart reminded me you would have loved it better than this way than any other way. Which makes me think you secretly had something to do with it. Dont lie !!! You were up there telling the guy he cant free hand angel wings !!!! You know I can hear you in the back of my head all day. Your laugh that made me smile. Your smile that stopped me dead in my tracks. Your singing that was horribly amazing. Its music to my ears. Did you know that I can hear you all the time ? I see the small things you do to let me know you love me, to say hi. I also feel you all the time. Dont worry, I do. The moment you passed my light burst, and since that you love to talk to me with lights. Or how you love to push the bread off the stand when I walk by at Steiners. But I would never catch it, pretty miss lizz always told me. Until your birthday when my own bread was laying on the floor at home. Trust me, Chris I hear you. I know with the songs you put on the radio, one after another. It lets my heart feel a little less heavy. I also have a lot of our friends telling me their little crazy stories of how you say hi. It makes me happy. This has been a really hard year. Between you, Rockie and grandpa in a Span of 4 months. The thing that got me through the other two was they were going up to meet you. And you were going to say hi and welcome with open arms. Just like why I am not scared of death anymore. Why ? Because I get to be in your arms. I get to play and dance and sing with you. My very best friend with me once again. Christopher, you and everyone who knew me knew how very special you are and were to me. How I was so absolutely in love with you. How hard my heart hurt because I made so many dumb decisions I always wanted to change. I really wish I did, I wish I could change time... But only for you. Nothing else. I am so happy I had every single moment I had with you. They were my favorite. And the best thing in the world is only I know how I felt with you because only I know how that felt and no one can ever ever ever take that away. I remember some days we felt like it was only us in the world. I also had the most uplifting dream about you. Kept me in bed till 1 or 2 in the afternoon !!! It was about you, all about you. Like you wanted me to plant it in my head as a memory and not a dream. It felt so real, like my hands remembered the touch of your face, lips, your hands. Your smile killed me. Smiling from ear to ear. Falling in love with you all over again. Its been crazy down here, we talk about you all the time. Many many shots of fireball. You have so many people who love you down here. Its honestly mind blowing how many hearts you have touched. First hand experience, I know the reasons why. I wonder how much you love heaven ? How much fun you are having ! Im going to reno this year... Well keep me strong. Ive bit off a little more than I can chew. I want to learn how to snowboard. One step closer to you. Snow angels. I wonderful how cool it is to be a fly on the wall now, a super man with a million powers. You are super man. You gave so many parts of your body to people in need. I wish I could meet the person with your stunning eyes. I wonder if they love what you love, they see what you saw. I wonder how Luna and you are. How amazing it is to hold her and watch her grow. Im sure you love seeing Kamdyn growing up. Giving her kisses that only a small childs heart can see. Christopher how I would do anything to hear you. I wish so very very much that I was up with your family today in the mountains and not looking at your picture on my computer screen all day. You know your family is amazing. They have shined light on all of my darkest days. They support me. They are my back bone. Their hearts are completely filled with you. And its so nice to love them so very much. You first hand know how much I have always felt at home around them. Its only one year down. It feels like a long trip you are on. Im just waiting for you to come back. Its still so unreal. But I just want to thank you for everything. You are my heart. Lend me your hand and well conquer them all, but lend me your heart and I will just let you fall. Lend me your eyes I can change what you see, but your souls you must keep totally free. Awake my soul. For you were made to meet your maker. - MumFord & Sons You touched my soul, and that will carry on forever. You will never be forgotten toefur. We are painting the town orange for you. I know I am. Ive become obsessed with orange. It makes me happy. You are keeping up your part with the orange sunsets. More than I have ever noticed before. If there ever comes a day where we cant be together, keep me in your heart, Ill stay there forever. - Pooh. You have always been my Christopher Robbin. Keeping me together, taking care of me and loving me more than anything. I love you Christopher. One year is too long. Keep saying hi, it makes everyone who loves you very very very happy. Love forever your little Callie
Posted on: Wed, 14 Jan 2015 20:06:35 +0000