Conquering my last fear now.. Conquered and learnt all except one!! I guess all these years Ive been doing this on purpose was the right thing to do.. I knew I couldnt be an entrepreneur even though I want to be.. I used to fear failure A LOT.. Trust me.. I was so sad when I scored a high 60+ for my higher Chinese exam when I was 11.. I felt like a failure because I had never scored worst.. I failed my driving test 3 times when I was 20.. Back then I always felt that failure was shameful.. Failing means so much lesser back than.. Failure meant it was a mark on your mask telling people that you are not as good as others.. But the truth is failure helps us learn and grow.. Though sometimes I wonder if theres anyone in life who succeeded all their life and had never failed..? Not being good enough used to make me feel like a failure. Now it is presents be with the opportunity for growth.. I remember taking up jobs that I wasnt good enough for.. And I learnt so much from it.. Even though it overwhelms me a lot because I just dont know where to start, I sometimes struggle to blindly grab hold of something so that I can start somewhere. I am always overwhelmed by the possibilities around me.. And it trained me to stay focus and select. In life we have to choose and we need to let go of those that we have not chosen.. Honestly writing this I dont know what the article mentioned, I just took the main point out, but that is what I learnt from being overwhelmed.. The unknown. Taking a step into the unknown is hard.. The reason why I fear darkness is because I do not know what is in the darkness.. Honestly, I will have freak out if I was on the Endurance and have to fall into the black hole, I will have a heart attack before I reach the tesseract.. But this year, Ive pushed myself so much to accomplish this and to run out of money.. Hahaha.. Its lame.. Running out of money seems easy and yet hard. In Singapore, if I run out of money, Ill just have to run home and stay home until I have the money.. But now I freaking have to pay rent in the freezing Finland!!!!!! And no one will buy me food!!!!! No more luxury that I can buy.. I cant buy iPhone 6+ because I need the money to survive here even though my phone is dying on me every other day.. Though I dislike money because it changes the motivation for doing things, but what can I do when Im living in a world based entirely on money.. If Im in the middle of the world where farming and buttering my produce for other needs.. I wouldnt have to chance money.. That comes back to if rich people are all coming back to say they are not happy, why are people running around to become richer?? If being richer than your Neighbour is a source of happiness, because it is relative, there will only be one happy person because everyone else is less rich.. And yet back to point one, the rich people are saying they are not happy.. Then it brings me back to the question, why do we build an unhappy world upon money which eventually makes us unhappy? Hmmmm.. #NoteToSelf
Posted on: Tue, 02 Dec 2014 11:07:06 +0000
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