Dealing with a difficult person using Ki. To extend Ki is an expression my Master Koichi Tohei created when he started teaching Ki Aikido. This is one expression that baffles both Japanese people and Western people. It is a very simple yet complex expression, open to various interpretations based on a person’s beliefs, faith and educational background. A lot of people use this expression especially in Aikido classes without fully understanding Tohei Sensei’s thoughts on it. How do you extend Ki? is a very popular question that Instructors get asked all the time. You can do it many ways: When you are very cheerful. We say you must be extending Ki. When you feel healthy. Oh you must be extending Ki. When you are really motivated to do something. You are extending Ki. This is a way of understanding the expression. From another point of view. Some people look at it as energy flowing through a person when the person performs an activity, exercise or technique. When you think a positive or negative thought you are extending Ki. If you think negatively towards someone, yet at the same time smile at the person pretending to like him or her, the person knows your real thoughts because the person can feel the Ki you are sending to him or her. So in realty you are only fooling yourself. It is smarter to honestly let the person know there is a problem and to see if there is a way to resolve it together. One day my Master Tamura Sensei came to me and asked me to teach a 21 day intensive aikido course to a group or businessmen. I agreed and the lessons were to be taught at their company facilities. I prepared for the lessons and left to begin teaching the course. It was about a 3 hour train ride from my home. That meant I would either travel 6 hours a day or I could stay at the company for the duration of the course. I decided to stay at the company. The first day the lessons started most of the business men were keen to study. However there was one manager that took an instant dislike to me because I was teaching Aikido in Japan and I was not Japanese. The first thing out of his mouth to me was a derogative question full of contempt “How can you teach Aikido to us? You are a foreigner!” He used a bad word to describe foreigner. I smiled and explained my credentials and how I was Tamura Sensei’s private student, etc. He folded his arms and told me loudly he did not give a blah blah blah about my credentials or experience I should not be teaching Aikido as I was NOT Japanese. I offered to leave but the other students apologized and pleaded with me to stay and teach the course. They convinced me that they would follow the curriculum and do what I asked them to. The manager said to “I have to be here because my company wants me here but I am not doing anything for you!” The class started everyone bowed in except the manager. He sat with his back to me, showing his disdain and contempt for me. Everyday for two weeks he would do what he could to embarrass, criticize and to prove his point that I was unqualified to teach Aikido. This one day he really pushed my button and I called Tamura Sensei and asked if he would replace me. Tamura Sensei was the kindest, loving, and most giving person I have ever met. After listening to my complaints and poor me story, he told me that I needed to stay and complete the course. This manager was a great blessing to show me my limitations and when I could accept him and love him then I would gain the victory. I meditated on the problem and what i discovered was that I was extending negative Ki back at this manager and justifying it in my head, that he was a racist. If I did not change my thinking and the way I responded to him then this would scar me for life. I need to send him my approval regardless of what he said or did. I would extend my Ki more positively. How did I do this? He would hiss at me and tell me I was stupid. In my head I said “I love you”. He would say “Your Aikido sucks!” In my head I said “I love you”. “I have a Karate friend that will kick your butt” “I love you”. “I will see to it that you never teach here again!” “I love you”. “You will not be paid your transportation fees”. “I love you”. I felt responding this way protected me from any negative Ki coming at me. I felt great inside, calm, confident, peaceful and fully in control of the situation. After the 21 day class was completed he came and bowed deeply to me and apologized for the way he has acted and how badly he had treated me. He explained that he hated foreign people because in the second world war an American had raped and killed his grandmother and he wanted revenge. He took his revenge on me. But he felt I had responded every time to his attacks only with positive Ki. He respected my internal strength, and commitment to walking the Aikido path. We connected heart to heart and all the animosity was gone. I thanked him for his honesty, apologized for the wrong that had been done to his family by the soldier and hoped we could train again in the future. we parted a good friends. After I got back to to Tamura sensei’s dojo, Tamura Sensei took me out for a special dinner to thank me for doing the course. I was given an envelop and informed that the manager from the company had informed Tamura Sensei to give it to me. There was 100,000 Japanese yen inside. It was a thank you present. The manager gave me the highest recommendation he could and promised to secure the contract with Tamura Sensei so that we would be the only Aikido group to teach at his company and its promotions. This was really a big contract. Tamura Sensei was very happy. Inside I felt very fortunate to have this experience. I share this hoping that it will help you to deal with difficult people in the same way. Everyone responds to love. By giving the person approval the situation will improve for the better. Test it and see for yourself. Until next time, I wish you peace love and success. Martin Sensei
Posted on: Mon, 09 Sep 2013 07:10:42 +0000
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