First off: To anyone who does not know, or hasnt seen our family facebook pages lately, Lael Miles, my 29 year old son, was killed in a tragic accident in Aurora, Colorado on July 21st. just a little more than a month ago. You can find information below, Elias, Kimberlys or Laels facebook page. This is a little long, but Im writing it for myself, more than anything. A sort of personal reflection on the life of my children and myself the history we leave behind that we write while we are alive. Anyway, dont feel like you have to read, its just theraputic at 3 am when I cant sleep on my night off. I wish I could have been there today in NorCal for his Memorial there yesterday, but I did the next best thing I could by watching the video that my girlfriend Kathleen made and posted on my facebook page. Dad and mom Peterson just moved from Michigan to Sun City West and arrived only this week week. So it seemed only right to watch it together, today, knowing you were doing the same in NorCal. The pictures are so beautiful and I love to see him as if he is still alive and waiting for the next holiday for us all to get together. As impossible as it still seems, hes gone from our lives forever here.... and the tears begin to flow, as I look at all my children together, their smiles and think of how much fun they were when they were all together. A life cut too short... my child. When you see me, I may be smiling and laughing, but I am trying to bury the tears behind my smile, and my heart is so so very broken. I know that Lael is still touching so many lives. He has come to some of my friends, his friends, family members in dreams, spoken words in hearts, he has made his presence felt. I love hearing about them and they are so beautiful and it comforts me. I want to have dreams where we visit and laugh, because for those few moments my boy is with me, alive again... even if its only in my dreams. I miss my little boy so very much! I remember the moment he was born, as all the family shared our joy in the birthing room and how I touched his nose, then all his little toes and fingers. As he grew I remember cradling him in my arms, kissing his owies, and running my fingers through his hair to sooth him when he was sad, sick, or in the hospital. I remember when he would desperately ask me to blow into his mouth when he ate something too hot. I remember how I would clap for my kids when they accomplished a feat. When he was young he loved hearing me yell, Yaaaay Laaael!!!! But, he disliked it as he grew older, and told me it made him feel like a retard. But then something changed somewhere along the way and he would sometimes do that silly little clap as he joked and laughed with friends and family. Everyone who has seen it will never forget how he looked like a total nerd doing that... but he made you laugh. Although he was 62, I miss that little boy smile that never left even after hed grown all up,and his gentle spirit, his tender heart, his abandon to experience life, his beautiful blue eyes as they would twinkle with just a little mischief. I especially miss how he just accepted people for who they were and appreciated the uniqueness of each one, it didnt matter where you were in life,or what mistakes youd made. Lael just wanted to Live Jesus and love others as Jesus would. No condemnation, no judgement, no jealousy or hatefulness... Just love! He reached out to everyone, and would do whatever he could to help anyone in need, friend or stranger, family or foe, without expecting anything in return. He touched peoples hearts and changed lives.... Just Living Jesus! - Just Living Love! I miss knowing that I cant text him my silly jokes anymore, because Ill never receive his quick witted replies. Just knowing I cant pick up the phone and hear his voice or his laughter, or the words, I love you mom. hurts more than any pain Ive experienced in my life and it feels like my heart will break in half. But then I remember.... I know where he is, and that I will see him again. I believe he is doing exactly what hes supposed to be doing.... serving God. While, Im still here, I want to hear the voices and laughter of my other children as often as possible. I want to love people, and make wonderful memories with my children, my husband, my family, my friends, and all those I see every day. I want to make people laugh because I believe that God created laughter, and it makes me happy to see others laugh, and it helps me forget my own pain, as I hope it does you too. My humor is a bit twisted, as many know, and I enjoy making innuendos that you have to pick up on, and figure out as we can then share in a giggle. Lael was very much like me in that way, he just loved to see people smile, because he wanted to make their day, just a little bit better. He liked the quote from that said, History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it. What kind of history will I leave behind, I hope it is filled with as much love as the history he wrote and is remembered by. So Love, Forgive and Forget, because none of us are promised a tomorrow on earth, but our spirits are guaranteed a tomorrow.... somewhere. All three of my children know their Hebrew names were prayed about and considered very carefully, so that you would always remember that God is your Heavenly Father. Elia Nazarita, Lael Nathaniel and Jesse Wayne (aka Flawless Sutures) The meaning behind Laels name is this: Lael means Belonging to God Nathaniel means Gift of God So my son, every time your name has been, or.... will be spoken, it is to acknowledge that You are a Beautiful Gift that Forever Belongs to God. God says that children are crowns upon a mothers head, and to each of my children, I am, and forever will be blessed to be called your mother.
Posted on: Sat, 30 Aug 2014 10:49:26 +0000
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