Friends, family, loved ones, people of Facebook I have no real relationship with, Ill try and keep this short as I know many of you are like me and prefer things 140 characters or less. Many of you know Im not one for big posts (or posts at all) and I generally keep to myself unless of course its related to lifting, which this sort of is... On Saturday, as I sat in the gym hungover and tired from poor decisions the night before, feeling like I was trampled by a rhino, empty energy drink cans scattered around my squat rack, and 485lbs loaded on the bar for what was sure to be a gruelling workout; 10 sets of 3 after having done 7 sets of 5 at 455 no less than 20 hours earlier, I was reminded that the sport I have chosen is not for the ill-willed. Mental toughness is commonly thrown around in the powerlifting realm and a vital aspect of it all. Certainly the biggest challenge I was going to face that day was standing up and getting under the bar. Moving the weight seems to come naturally these days. As I made my way through my workout, taking 5 minutes or so between each set, I thought about a time a year or so ago from now that I had struggled with another mental battle, one I had been dealing with for almost a year at the time: an aggressive case of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. For those of you unfamiliar with OCD its not exactly an obsession with cleanliness where everything has to be neat and orderly (although those are sometimes symptoms) but rather it is characterized as an anxiety disorder with intrusive and uncontrollable, obsessive thoughts about a certain topic. More info here: iocdf.org/about-ocd/ I sat staring at the weight wondering how is it that Im able to convince myself, when everything in my body is telling me this is a terrible idea, to keep going. Meanwhile for 11 months I was scared of my own thoughts. How is it that even today I can ignore the voice of reason (going to squat 415 4 sets of 9) yet I struggled daily for not being able to ignore thoughts much less frightening than 485lbs? Its just the nature of the disease. No one knew, myself included - I had no idea what was going on in my brain, that I had OCD, and it was even scarier for that reason. I didnt tell anyone for 9 months because thats the kind of person I am - I fight my own battles - but more importantly I was scared of what others might think, and that they would judge me. When I finally felt I had control of my thoughts I decided it was time to tell someone. I was incredibly apprehensive to do so given that I myself barely understood what I was going through myself; I couldnt imagine anyone else would. When I told my then girlfriend she was incredibly understanding and supportive - I couldnt have imagined having that kind of support. Over the next couple months, with this new found confidence that what I was going through was ok, I was slowly able to share with a couple more people until one day I decided share with a couple people who quickly shot me down claiming I didnt have OCD. I havent told anyone else about it since then, until now, with all of you. I dont blame them for thinking that really... I had no physical symptoms (washed my hands a lot which I attributed to good hygiene) I was virtually the same person Ive always been - on the outside. Again its the nature of all mental illness. Now a year later, it seems like a distant memory and Im wiser and more mature for having experienced it; fully understanding the nature of this illness and having a better idea of all others. Of course the biggest take away for me is learning first hand the power of the brain and its ability to play tricks on you. Which is why I have tricked it into thinking I can squat 650 ;) soon... I thought about sharing this post on the next Bell Lets Talk day, but the issue of mental illness deserves more than merely one days attention. Im not entirely sure where Im going with this all now but if youre struggling with a mental issue, find that one person you can confide in and go from there. Do talk. And if you arent battling with any mental issues, listen. It goes a long long way on both sides.
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 18:54:21 +0000
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