Friends here is my letter to Hawkwind, awaiting a response from Mr Nik Turner Dear Hawkwind Re: Silver Machine My great-nephew Adrian is an avid enthusiast of many ‘Space Rockers’ such as yourselves and The Gong, and it was through his bedroom wall that I recently heard your ‘psychedelic cult classic’ and felt compelled to write to you personally As coincidence would have it I too am the proud owner of such an argentate kinetic acoutrement in the form of a metallic grey Honda Accord, and was forced to swerve slightly just now to avoid a Vauxhall Cavalier emerging into a box junction even though it’s exit road was congested, in clear contravention of The Highway Code section 3, paragraph 174. Unlike your good selves however I am not “still feeling mean”; any slight initial ill-will towards the driver of the offending vehicle was soon dispelled by a particularly witty anecdote courtesy of a plasterer calling into The Jeremy Vine show. If of course by “mean” you are referring to a sudden parsimoniousness comportment or indeed the most accepted method of calculating averages for statistical desiderata then I must confess to being somewhat befuddled as to exactly how a vehicular junket may be responsible for miserly penny pinching and/or assuming the composure of a ratiocinative rubric A similar “Brainstorm” is compulsatory vis a vie your promulgation that the stannic chariot is my zodiac sign and aeronautically soars laterally through an epoch. I have written to Russell Grant for confirmation that all horoscopes in circulation need not be scrapped but in the meantime am confident that, being born on October 7th, I am a Libran and not a Silver Machinian, and, considering the quantum repercussions and hitherto undeveloped technology, are you sure that it does not fly sideways through Thame? Notwithstanding the above elucidations I must state that I am most impressed if a little concerned regarding both the ablution and ecological fuel choices relating to your lustrous craft. Whilst you are to be extolled on both counts I feel that to upkeep the vessel as antiseptically clean may be a touch excessive, not to mention potentially hazardous given that the noxious fumes given off by certain agents can overpower the unfortunate behind the wheel, causing dizziness and disorientation. I would recommended a professional valeting service, combined by the refraining from eating snacks on the road or flight path, thereby avoiding crumbs and other unsightly food remnants, as a far safer and equally hygienic alternative. Also, if, as stated it ‘turns everything green’, which I take to be a indication of unleaded petrol spillage, you may have a faulty screw cap or leak in the tank which requires immediate attention Lastly, I hope that you will not be offended, but, considering the digestive unpleasantry that I suffered on the Rameses Revenge ‘attraction’ at Chessington World of Adventure in 1995 I am most reluctant to tempt fate by accepting your invitation to see myself going by the other side of the sky. All in all however, my wife Jean and I much admire your ‘acid track’, which for some strange reason I often think of when she is doing the hoovering Best Regards Derek Philpott P.S. My aforementioned great-nephew is so taken with your ‘sound’ that he is considering forming a ‘tribute band’ to you. Although he is yet to directly ask me for a catchy handle I have made a list of possible alternative bird of prey/air current suggestions for when he does, and, having disregarded ‘Vulture Draught‘, ‘Osprey Blast’, ‘Harrier Mistral’, ‘Falcon Chinook’, ‘Owl Zephyr’ and, feeling whimsical after a can of Hobgloblin, ‘Kestrel Flatulence’, have arrived at ‘Peregrine Puff’
Posted on: Sat, 06 Jul 2013 00:26:39 +0000
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