Funny Farm Facts and Fantasies #9 Personally, I’m glad to see a little snow fall again. Everything looked so dingy after the thaw. It got so warm up here it thawed out the kitty litter in the back room and that’s bad news! I guess everybody has a “glory hole” and the back room is ours. Everything gets stuck out there in cold weather: wood, garbage, kitty litter, pop bottles, you name it – it’s there. Unfortunately so is the freezer. It was such a mess last week that I fed the crew eggs and pancakes a couple nights in preference to running the obstacle course to the freezer. I’ve decided I’m going to invest in a foot locker, complete with padlock. In it I’m going to put all the chocolate chips, the walnuts, the raisins, the scotch tape, the band aids, the stamps, some paper, pencils and pens, my shampoo and my tooth brush. For some reason, all these things seem to disappear around here. All except my toothbrush, and I swear they use it, from combing their sideburns to cleaning their rings. Wouldn’t it be wonderful just once to get the cookie batter all mixed up and have a full bag of chocolate chips to dump in? I think I’ve finally foiled them though. I’ve been making molasses cookies lately. The last a heck of a lot longer than Toll House. Besides that, by keeping track of who makes the most trips to the “john” I can tell who has been sneaking into the most cookies. I found a different recipe the other day. It is called “Recipe for a Happy Life” , “Take 12 fine full grown months, see that these are thoroughly free from old memories of bitterness, rancor, hate and jealously! Cleanse them completely from every clinging spite, pick off all specks of pettiness. Cut these months into 30 or 31 equal parts. Do not attempt to make up the whole batch at one time but prepare one day at a time as follows: Into each day, put equal parts of faith, fidelity, kindness, rest, prayer and meditation. Add about a spoonful of good spirits, a dash of fun, a pinch of folly, a sprinkling of play and a heaping cupful of good humor. Pour love into the whole and mix with vim. Serve with quietness, unselfishness and cheerfulness” From personal experience I’ve found that you must follow the directions carefully and don’t try to make up more than one day at a time. Sometimes that cupful of good humor gets replaced by a cupful of vinegar and there’s no sense in spoiling the whole batch. I guess everyone in the family is finally on the mend. Anyway I sent five of them to school Monday morning. We still sound like a bunch of rejects from the TB ward and run three vaporizers day and night. I wish there was some way to get more humidity into the house. I’m not joking when I say the water level in the fish tank drops four inches every week. My one and only plant got so parched I finally moved it into the bathroom so it could gather a little moisture from baths and showers. I’m not too good at keeping house plants anyway, believe it or not, I can even kill a cactus by forgetting to water it! I learned something new the other day. Did you know that all you need is one snail in the fish tank to produce little ones? Neither did I, live and learn! At last count we have more snails than fish. Frankly, the pet section at Grants fascinates me. I take John along just as an excuse! I could watch the birds, fish and etc. for an hour, but HRT objects. I hate to take a man shopping with me anyway. They’re so darned businesslike about the whole deal! To me it’s an excursion, something to look forward to, to them it’s a rich pain in the neck, something to be taken care of as quickly as possible. Sure their method is probably cheaper but look at all the fun they’re missing. HRT never really says anything except “are you sure you have gotten everything now?” However, in man language, that really means “pile the stuff in the cart and let’s get the heck out of here!” I wish someone would tell me what’s wrong with this fool canary. Since we’ve had him he’s sung twice beautifully and the rest of the time he just sits on the perch and chirps. Wouldn’t you know the two times he did decide to break into song, the kids were in school, HRT at work and John is my only witness! Something on bathtubs: How come nobody ever washes the ring off but mama? One after another they’ll fill it up, climb in and leave their ring 1/16 of an inch below the last fellows. By the time they all get done there is a ring six inches wide and my only choice is to either take a bath in two inches of water or scrub the tub. Now to some people cleaning the tub sounds like a minor chore. For me it’s a major operation. I just can’t get close enough anymore so have to use a long handled brush. By March, I’ll probably be using a mop! We’re having the usual debate on what to name the new baby. As the other kids’ names start with either J, G or R, I’m all for Rebecca or Jeffrey. It’s so much easier to call them for supper if their names at least start alike. Some of the names the kids have picked out you wouldn’t believe especially if it’s twins (which it isn’t). We asked John the other night what he’d like to call the new baby and he replied “oh, let’s call it Tom Ryan”. He and Tom Ryan are buddies. He looks forward every night to going over and getting milk. We’re having a ball with pictures you get at the grocery store. I’m a picture nut and the upstairs is pretty well supplied so we’ve been putting them down cellar in the playroom. Question: how can you stick a picture to a cinder block wall? I hate to put nail holes in them and the tape pulls loose. If you know, let me know. I just get one nicely up and another falls down. Valentine’s Day is coming. Wonder if I hint loud enough somebody up here will produce a box of candy or some flowers for good old Mom. With my luck it’ll probably be a sore throat, a pair of pants with the seat gone or one gym sneaker I’m presented with.
Posted on: Sat, 29 Mar 2014 19:48:25 +0000
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