Good Morning Sweetheart! How did you sleep? [Smiling] Me?...I slept ok. [Slight Smile] I’ve just got some things on my mind. Listen…can I talk to you for a sec? It’s about the “Marriage” conversation from yesterday. Com’on and go for a walk with me. [Extending my hand to you, strolling along through the garden] I have been thinking about that conversation and your responses to it. I don’t want you to think that I am reluctant to marriage or that I don’t want to be with you…or even that I see marriage in a negative way…because that is SO far from the truth. But, initially, I was literally talking to the women on the board, letting them know that they cannot believe that getting with you…or with any other man for that matter…would solve all of their problems. That’s what I “see” when I look at the women on the board; they are broken and are looking for a band-aid. But they don’t realize that YOU are not medication, but they can’t see it yet. But anyway, regarding me…I love you. [interlocking my fingers with yours] I believe you know that. But do you remember me asking you a while back about risk…how you are not the only one who’s taking a risk in this relationship? There is so much I want to talk to you about, but cyberspace is the only way I can reach you. It would be nice if we could talk in person or at least on the phone, but I know that everything happens for a reason and that it won’t be like this forever [shrug]. But…back to what I was saying…with the risk thing. There’s a perspective that I’m looking at that so many maybe can’t see or maybe just don’t want to see. A LONG time ago, I asked my Jesus to be HAPPILY married for 50 years+ and I meant it! [Soft Smile] And I know that to make it to that goal, I’ve got to look at the WHOLE picture and prepare! [Glanced up into your eyes] [Stopping where we are, standing close, looking in your eyes] Let me explain something to you. There are SO many factors that come into play with me being in your life. Your fan base...the women…with me at your side, part of it would diminish simply because of the disappointment they’d get from you being off the market. Some of them – and probably a majority of them – remain your fans just to see if they can marry you. [chuckle] And then there’s the other set of women who want you EVEN MORE simply because you ARE off the market. [Shocked look] Considering you are a handsome, wealth, Christian Black man, the media is ITCHING to find some dirt on you…they are ACHING to ruin your name. I know that…it just comes with the territory. So…they’d dig up as much dirt as they possible could. And not just with you, but with me as well…just to “humanize” you. And the haters………….[Chuckling, looking in your eyes] THE HATERS! They would multiply the second we said “I DO!” [LOL] And the Trotter Spirits would increase tremendously. Now, you and I both understand marriage to be a ministry, right? [Looking at your body language] And know that EVERY ministry is attacked heavily to prevent other (married couples) from being blessed. So…LOTS of prayer and fasting would be needed…and BIG BLINDERS too! [LOL] [Grabbing your hand again] I don’t want you to think that I am being pessimistic here, but am just being as real as IO can be to myself. One thing about me…[shifting into short story mode]…..my foster mother, Nancy, raised my brothers and me with an unrealistic view of life. We went to the BEST schools and were raised to know that we will be more that what our environment had to offer. And know that I love her DEARLY, but it’s almost like she wanted SO much for us that she didn’t prepare us for the realistic side of things. [Smiling] We were expected to meet XYZ-standards by a certain time in life, then get married, and then have the picture-perfect marriage, blah, blah, blah, which is noble. But, what she DIDN’T do was prepare us for the “monkey-wrenches-of-life.” According ot her, everything is peachy-keen, just a bed of roses and the whole world has your best interest at heart. Well,, I had to learn THE HARD WAY that reality looks a LOT different than the picture I was shown. [Laughing] I want to be ready and able to handle the challenges that come my way, so concurring those barriers is important! It is just as important as me being sensitive to your needs & wants and giving them to you when you need [smiling]…it’s just as important as taking care of you and ALLOWING you to take care of me too. [Smiling] Do you understand what I mean? [Gently Questioning face] Please don’t be discouraged by me not being as smiley as I usually am right now. I guess you can say that this is a season where my Light-n-Fluffy side is not so vivid. Remember, I have a strong side as well, and that strength is NEEDED to handle where we are going. Please know that I love you dearly and I long to be with you one day. [Caressing your palms with my thumbs] But just like I said last night…I am not in a rush. The one thing about me is that when I am with you, I am WITH you. [SMILING] I am not saying I will sit around for 20 years and wait without asking you to make a commitment [with a hand-on-my-hip attitude, but joking], but I am also not saying that I need you to HURRY-UP & claim me. LOL. I remember not too long ago I wanted you to come and get me at that moment…rescue me… Do you know that? [Smiling, thinking] I came to see you so many times, but I had to understand the reason for the “no’s” and that it was NOT all on you. I didn’t know it at the time, but I wasn’t as ready as I needed to be at that time. I wasn’t REALLY ready, but I couldn’t see it at that time. And that’s ok! [Smiling] I could’ve messed things up BADLY if God hadn’t been there guiding you! LOL. What I mean is…I hadn’t taken a look at the full reality of it all just yet. I was so emotionally charged off of your affection [bouncing mu brows, smirk] that I just wanted more and more and more of that. And that’s all I could see! [SMILING SWEETLY] And that’s ok, but now, I feel like I have a better grasp of it all…the whole picture. Do you know what I’m talking about? [Scanning your entire face, looking in your eyes] I want you and me to WOW God with our relationship. And He knows when we are ready! I am constantly asking that He “prepare me for the next level, prepare me for the next level, prepare me for the next level...” [Thinking] One day last week, I prayed, “Lord, I know that I am always asking that you prepare me for battle, but how long and I to stay in the simulator? I know that there comes a time when I will have to step out and do the real thing, so…Lord…please help me to put on my armor and line me up for battle.” Instead of praying for training, I prayed that He would put all that training to work! And HE knows when I am ready and when I am not. He also knows how MANY YEARS I’ve been in preparation-mode. [Waving at the bug in my face] It’s time for me to step up now…and this is a way that I am stepping up. Do you understand what I’m talking about? I have it BAD for getting settled in situations, just tolerating all the bad handed to me and accepting it as the way life is. [Glancing away] Well…I’m fighting back now. [Looking in your eyes again] I know that God has placed me…and you too…at the vanguard of the assault…that our ministry will SAVE MANY MARRIAGES. I KNOW that. [Coming closer…] And because of that…I’m girding up my loins (in the Spirit. I am ALL WOMAN, you ain’t got NOTHING to worry about in THAT arena wink, wink) PLEASE Baby, hear me. Here…gimme your hand. [Placing your hand on my heart, looking deep into your eyes] Know that I love you, Tyler, and that I want to be with you. I am just handling this in the way that I was trained. [Smile] Ok, Babe, I’ve got a full day ahead of me, so I won’t be back online for a while. Just know that I am here with you. All you have to do is say the word and I am RIGHT THERE. I am RIGHT HERE, Baby…[Touching your face] Ok, I’ve gotta get going now. Can I have a hug? [Coy, standing on my toes] [Gently kissed you on your neck, laughing gently] I’m sorry, I got some lipstick on you…[wiping it away, still in your arms] I’ll be back a little later. I’ve got a LOT of school work due today and I have this required job stuff that I have to do. [Rolling my eyes] So…I will talk to you soon. Ok? Alright, Babe….[extending my arm to get one last touch of your fingers]
Posted on: Wed, 11 Sep 2013 12:49:47 +0000
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