Have you ever had a mishap that turned into an adventure or a failure that turned into a success?? Sometimes failures are actually successes... More about this by Rabbi Jack Cohen of MEOR: Successful Failures There is a phenomenon at the University of Pennsylvania that is called by the locals PennFace. I only heard the term for the first time a few months ago, but I immediately recognized the pathology from when I was a student. PennFace is the feeble attempt by a type-A Penn student to pretend like everything is totally under control, when in reality, its not. PennFace can be observed after an exam that was unquestionably difficult. For an hour and a half, every person in the room was sweating, gritting their teeth, and inwardly cursing the professor for asking such preposterous questions, and yet, when the exam is over, and people begin to feel out the reactions of their peers, perhaps the most common response is: I didnt think it was too bad, with a wry half smile as their backpack is casually slung over their shoulder and they cooly walk out of the testing room. Meanwhile, the school newspaper The Daily Pennsylvanian, at least weekly this year, ran editorials or major news articles about the rise of anxiety and depression amongst students on campus, and the inability of Student Psychological Services to keep up with the need. In addition, the campus was struck over the last 12 months with too many resultant tragedies to properly recount in this article with their due gravity. There is a disconnect that is left unaddressed between the stresses and fears that are felt beneath the surface, and the face that is put on to the public. I write about Penn only because that is my base of experiences, but I believe that this is a problem that reaches far and wide. Indeed, its become cliche to even speak about the ills of carefully manicured facebook profiles that belie the troubles hidden behind their high definition user interface. We fear failure. Were terrified of it, and avoid speaking about it. However, a little bit of research and some frank conversation with people over the age of 40 reveals that failure is one of the most effective causes of success in the world, and interestingly, fear of failure one of the most common causes of failure itself. For every app that goes viral, there are thousands upon thousands that litter the shores of trial and error. This we know. But we should note as well that as a general rule, those individuals that made it through the gauntlet with a successful start-up left behind a number of failed apps along the way. Each one afforded the entrepreneur a wealth of wisdom that was invaluable to their future successes. Its well known that in Israel, having a failed start-up on your resume is seen very often as a plus, as it demonstrates courage to have tried in the first place, and the determination to try again after a defeat. We should also note that this year alone,millions upon millions of ideas for new apps were thought of in hot showers across the country, but never made it out of peoples brains or cocktail conversations for fear of failure. There is a deeper point as well. For those who are open to it, something magical can happen in the midst of a failure with all its aches and pains. To paraphrase J. K. Rowling describing the poverty that became the beginning of a career that earned her one of the largest fortunes in the UK: rock bottom can become a solid foundation on which to rebuild your life. In her graduation speech at Harvard, which she opened by telling the graduates that the failure [they] so dread would be called success by most other people in the world, she recounts how in her failure, she found her most essential self. She had no other assets and nothing to lose, so she drew upon the possession she had that no one could take away from her: her ability to create entire worlds with her words. We should wish failure upon no one, but when it comes, it reveals in high-contrast what were made of, and when we manage to get back up off the ground, we do so with newfound strength. The Jewish calendar is ornately woven with life wisdom. Tisha bAv, which we passed through together this past Tuesday, is the day in which we take in the reality of our national losses and failures. We sit on the floor as if were sitting on the rock bottom of our history. We mourn what could of been, but at the same time, we silently draw the strength to get back up. And indeed we do -- halfway through the day, we get up off the ground and sit on chairs. Tisha bAv is itself the point of inflection between the 3 weeks of mourning, and the 7 weeks of consolation that lead into Rosh Hashana, the new year with new beginnings. Seven weeks because building something up always takes more effort than tearing it down. In the words of King Solomon: Seven [times] the tzaddik will fall -- and he gets back up. Only through our falling do we become the tzaddik that gets back up. We should have the courage to face our past failures, and from our getting back up, draw the strength to face future failures. If we start the conversation, well soon realize that the bravest and most humble people around us have turned their failures into their proudest successes. So too, our own faces will shine with the true inner joy of our true inner victories -- our victories over our personal shortcomings. We will then stand firm knowing our feet are on the sturdy ground of rock bottom. In the place where those who have mastered their failures stand, the completely righteous cannot stand. -Talmud Berachot 34b Shabbat Shalom, Jack
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 02:31:26 +0000