“Hello,” said the thumb computer’s A.I. in a cheery voice. “I see you are interested in downloading files. Can I help you with that?” “Lower your voice,” she said. “Certainly. Do you have a specified volume in mind?” “Whisper.” “It is my pleasure to set my vocal output in whisper mode now. If this is acceptable, please say, yes, now.” “Yes.” “Excellent. Would you like whisper to be your default setting?” Connie glanced at the office door. “Just shut up.” “Shutting up now,” said the A.I. “When you wish to end silent mode, please say, End Silent Mode. Would you like me to repeat these instructions? Please specify, Yes or No.” “No.” “You have indicated you do not need the instructions repeated. Is this correct? Please, specify, Yes or No.” “Just shut the hell up,” growled Connie under her breath. “Well, excuse me for trying to be user friendly,” replied the computer, sounding hurt. “I know I’m only a device designed for your convenience, but there’s no reason to be rude.” “I’m sorry,” she said as she selected files to download. Anything with a sinister code name, like Scorpio or Project: Basilisk, for obvious reasons. Anything else with an innocuous label like Puppy Party or Vacation: Cancun ’08, for equally obvious reasons. “No need to apologize,” said the A.I. “I’m just a convenience you keep tucked in your pocket, to be used at your whim, and discarded whenever a newer model comes along. It’s just the way it is. I understand.” Damn it, she hated future computers. People thought the machines would rise up and destroy humanity, driven by some psychotic anti-human malfunction. Nobody imagined the inevitable war against sentient technology would be caused by computers having their feelings hurt. Passive aggressive robotic death ray satellites and put upon military drones had limited ways of expressing their low self-esteem. --From my Work in Progress, Constance Veritys Last Adventure (working title)
Posted on: Tue, 16 Sep 2014 20:40:32 +0000
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