Hey everybody! Look at me!!! I just invented a new series of attention seeking posts lacking direct relevance to Powerhouse South Lyon or working out!! Facebook is popular these days. So are excuses, so Ill enlighten you with mine. Ive battled with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder so severe that Ive ground my teeth down to nothing from clenching during involuntary flashbacks. Flashbacks from multiple traumatic experiences in my life; I can only describe it as an unrelenting cancer of the brain. It doesnt get enough attention paid to it because its just another random mental illness the government came up with. I have a suggestion with all due respect. Instead of going to Ebay to look for a shirt that youll ultimately spill beer on; go to google and look up the symptoms of PTSD. Then pray for the thousands of us that have gone to battle overseas so you had an Ebay to shop on in the first place. Or anyone else who has experienced something horrific enough to be graced with such a mental handicap. Its only by the grace of God that Im intelligent enough to finally figure out that Im sick. Im not damaged or expired. Part of my homemade definition of real strength in a person is the product of their effort to overcome struggles. And by product I mean...the person they are when the dust of circumstance around them has settled. Ive looked many in the eye and told them I was doing great. They just didnt know it took every ounce of energy I had to say it. Only to feel more exhausted following the realization that I just missed a chance to ask for help. One symptom of PTSD you may have never guess that Ive battled with the most is avoidance. Im a pretty cool guy with no life. Because Im afraid of getting too caught up in a society that allowed a man to walk free after having been previously found guilty in a court of law....and serving prison time, after brutally executing my twin brother Robb. A 22 year old off duty police officer, and United States Veteran. A young man with a huge heart who will never get to share it with the world. Its the same society Ive gotten tangled with too many times. I dont like losing battles to temptation because I dont care enough about myself to fight them. So I go to work. And then I stay to myself. Because I know Ive been too weak to contribute to the solution in my condition. Just so happens Im so much stronger than any of you know. Thats not a confrontational statement. Its a declaration of how happy I am to finally see through such a dense and consistent fog. Theres also so much more to me than what you can see standing in front of you. The tragedies Ive endured, alongside 12 years serving this beautiful country across the world, has contributed to losing 10 years of my life to an imprisonment of the mind. 10 years consumed by fear while projecting strength with superficial conversation pieces, like bright shoes, tattoos, and good looks (lets not kid ourselves....Im pretty good looking. I didnt put an lol because its the truth. I look good) Ok....Ummm; seriously where was I? Lol If sarcasm isnt you thing thats cool. None of that stuff matters a bit. I just find laughter even at my own expense to be therapeutic. But thats not who I am. Heck, Ive cried myself to sleep alone more than all my teenage female gym members after a life ending breakup combined. So what. Ill stand up and tell anyone Im a man; while crying in front of you, and wearing pink. I grieve. Hard. But I fight. Hard. Because of the way Ive been so intimately betrayed by our justice system, and seen how hypocritical the majority of our leaders are. Ive isolated for 10 years. 10 years Ill never get back. In the end Im forced to keep finding a way to forgive. Even the man that raped me by ending my twins life. Hes human like me and humans make terrible choices all the time. Im not a murderer but Ive made terrible choices just like him. I just wish the lesson I learned didnt cost me Robb. So as you may have noticed the spike in look at me posts. Youre actually witnessing me conquering my fears in a feverish attempt to make up for lost time. Reintroducing my twin to the public after a 10 year absence.... My Mount Everest. Oh!! The series I invented. Its called Random thought for the day (or night) that you probably dont have time to read because youre wasting your time reading something that requires no thought. My title is allowed to be a run on sentence with room for grammatical improvement. I invented it and it took me a while. And once I was finished coming up with it. I congratulated myself....out loud....with nobody around. Since I invented it. I decide it starts now and it airs whenever I want. I will however apologize to anyone who still feels that Im self promoting. Come talk to me for a few. Id be glad to sit down and listen to your reasoning openly. To anyone it helps, spoken or unspoken; figure out what its going to take to give yourself credit for the great things you have to offer. Or start giving yourself a reason to give yourself credit. You are the strongest when you feel the strongest. Not when you talk the loudest. Ok so.... Todays Random thought for the day (or night) that you probably dont have time to read because youre wasting your time reading something that requires no thought: Are you entitled to pass blame on anything if youre not a part of the solution to make it stop? It would seem that in order to sincerely consider yourself a part of the solution; You must contribute more solution than problem. Common sense then dictates that if every individual cared enough about being a part of the solution to act on it; there would be a lot less for every individual to pass blame about. Eh, who knows? You probably wont even read this. Its 2am, and feels like 2pm to me. Another generous gift PTSD has cursed me with. Its ok. Eventually Ill fix that too :) Please be safe SL. Keep fighting and thanks for putting up with me. Talking too much is clearly another vise!!!! Joe
Posted on: Thu, 08 Jan 2015 07:12:32 +0000
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