Hi Zane, Allow me to first say that I love your work and was amazed to see that your personality outside of your work was actually much different. I read many of your columns and I commend your advice more times than not. This is why I come to you. Please keep this anonymous. Ive been married for about 5 years and have one step child. My husband is a great father and although he has the potential to be a great provider he is not. Due to him having a felony he cant get a decent paying job and on top of the small checks, he pays child support. Now... Im not knocking him for taking care of his child because thats his responsibility but he knocks me for not paying his child support when he is unable to. Zane, please understand that I had two children whom I support without child support myself. Im not a baller. Hell, I dont make a grip of money but I manage. With that said, I told him NO. I dont feel like his child support is my responsibility and I refuse to take from my children to send a check on his behalf. My children dont even get that support. Do you think Im wrong? Mind you,, we have one daughter together outside of the outside kids and Im currently pregnant. Im so beyond stressed out and Im wondering if we should just let this marriage go. I feel like the world is on my shoulders and all he can think about is.... I wont pay his debt. Maybe its me but I feel like as a man, he should be able to take care of his child support and the family he has here. I dont ask him to do anything for my kids. Their dad does not pay child support but he and his family do support them. I need help... this pressure is becoming too much. Sincerely, Is it even worth it anymore? MY RESPONSE: Tough one but I totally agree with you not giving him the money to pay his child support. That is not your issue. You have other children, one with him and another on the way. So basically he is riding you on the regular because you refuse to allow your own children to be deprived? Yes, he is your husband and this is something that should have been fleshed out prior to marriage based on his circumstances. He needs to start his own business or work for a company who hires felons. Plenty of them do exist. In fact, a lot of them were started by ex-felons who were struggling in a similar fashion and now cut breaks to other people. Should you end the marriage? I would not go that far but since he is putting so much pressure on you, a trial separation may be a wake up call to him. You are under enough stress from the pregnancy. Good luck but I doubt anyone will say that you need to feel obligated to pay his child support. Then again, I personally know of at least a few women who did that very thing the entire time that child support was in effect.
Posted on: Wed, 24 Dec 2014 23:18:22 +0000
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