Hi all, I dont usually post anything unless I have a story to tell. Well this morning something happened to me that is the stuff of nightmares. Ive been worried about the security of my apartment since I moved in. Its on the first floor of my building and the backyard is shaded by a wooded area where all manner of things could be lurking. I havent quite figured out my alarm yet either but that would have been of no use anyways. At 3 am I heard a subdued noise coming from above me where my air conditioner unit is installed. Since Im alone in the apartment, if I didnt make the noise someone, or something, else must have. It almost sounded like the insulation around the unit had been moved. I didnt think much of it at first, but then I heard a second noise, one that I know is only made by two types of animals, one of which is a bird. Part of me somewhat wished it was a bird, but they arent creatures of the night. That meant there was only one terrifying option left. I ran into the bathroom to flick on the nearest light. Sure enough I saw a black blur whoosh by me through the air. I had a batastrophe on my hands. I wish I could say I stood my ground in the doorway, but that would be a lie. I dove into the bathroom and braced myself behind the door which I kept barely cracked so I could see the bat flutter in and out of view. It arced back and forth in my tiny apartment looking for a place to roost in its new cave but found none. So there I was, shirtless, weaponless, and truly at a loss. I was cut off from my computer but there wouldnt have been time to google a solution anyways with the bat on a dive-bombing mission every few seconds. But this is exactly the sort of situation where heros are made. There was nothing in the bathroom I could use, so I dodged, ducked, diped, dived and dodged my way to the foyer closet where I took inventory. An umbrella and a storage container lid, not much to work with. I asked myself, what would Captain America do? I didnt have Iron Mans phone number so I just picked up the storage lid to use as a shield. So now I was ready. It was me or the bat, and one of us had to be at work at 6. My initial plan of guiding it out the door sucked for two reasons. One, my shield took up probably 2% of the airspace in my apartment. Second, my front door doesnt like to stay open by itself. My second plan was a little more sound. I opened my sliding door and hoped it would just fly out. No luck. I was getting desperate and fearful that its friends were gathering in the dark outside, so I timed its flight pattern and took a light swing in an attempt to knock it out the door. The first swing tapped it on the butt and did little more than disturb its incredibly predictable flight. The second and third missed, buffeting its wings with the wind they created. Finally, after a long and drawn out battle, I sent it on its merry way with a none too kind spank. In fairness to me it wasnt invited into my home, which on the plus side means it wasnt a vampire bat but still, Im not sure if Ill ever be able to sleep again after its invasion. So there you have it. If you dont want to end up like me be sure to take anti-bat measures. Ive taped a trash bag over the air conditioner so that in the event that Jerry (yes I named the bat post-encounter) or one of Jerrys friends decides the army crawl their way into my domain again, hopefully I can bag and tag them so that their release can be a little less... traumatizing.
Posted on: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 20:36:07 +0000
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