How to survive the Chikungunya here in Buhbaydus! - by Mosi Daniel It is no secret that in recent times many of our countrymen have been stricken with the dastardly disease. Below are my rules of thumb in becoming a chikungunya warrior: 1. Buse your neighbor extremely or should I say forcefully motivate them 😊 to move the bush and old junk they have behind your house. 2. Go to the gym and work out at least one side of your body and get it buff. (if youre a lefty then pump that side... If you are a righty then that....) 3. Go to the supermarket and not find any proper insecticide. But in the rare chance you do then I recommend Bop or Baygon Anything else is only suitable for cologne. (you want the mosquito to die not feel good about its fragrant self). If there be a fracas between you and another insecticide customer over the last can of meaningful chemical weaponry then let your gym training serve you. Now for the meat and potatoes 4. Establish your trigger finger. I recommend the index or the thumb. Please do not try any other finger. This is not fun time. We are talking about your life. As hardcore and loaded in symbolism as it may seem... No one has ever tried to pull a trigger with their middle finger and be serious about life at the same time. 5. When on the battle field make sure you point the nozzle of your weapon in the direction you are looking in at all times. The Chikungunya mosquito is a creature with innate speed and a master of surprise. 6. Be aware of all the sights and sounds associated with the mosquito. If formerly you identified a certain distant sound as a plane making a fly by then your paradigm must experience a quick shift because what that sound is likely to be now is a mosquito telling you its about to have its way with you. 7. Now if you are face to face with the enemy. Employ your learned skills of combat. If she be in your face swat her away firmly with your un-gymned hand and then discharge the spray at her. (be careful that you dont swat it in a dark area because then you would have effectively lost the match and forfeited your 3 lives). The mosquito is likely to send a decoy by way of a tiny fly or moth. Please dont be fooled. If when you aim you hit something that never even resisted you then chances are you hit a moth or a pet or your mate.... Listen people of Bimshire. This is your homeland. The key to getting over this threat is courage and vigilance. When engaged in a battle with a mosquito please do not smile. Smiling tells the mosquito that you are indeed a numbskull and you will pay a very high price for your buffoonery. Stay tuned for part 2 on (How to have hand to hand combat with a mosquito and be able to post about it later) and part 3 (How to cope once contracting the Gunya: the proper way to swallow a panadol)
Posted on: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 00:11:38 +0000
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