I am making a status. For those who TL;DR there is summary as a comment. meh ok so Most of you (I cant even remember who I have added here if I actually know you irl I apologize Idk what to apologize for but yea anyway this is about my dad I find it difficult to talk to anyone about how I feel in relation to my fathers current situation. If I ever said anything to you about it I reeeeeely hope you dont think Im a heartless horrible individual devoid of all empathy and sympathy I swear I care. I just have a different way of caring than most. As usual I havent even started and I dont know where Im going with this so screw it Just want you to know if you are my friend you need not worry about me throwing you off to one side once you are mentally ill i just have a complicated relationship with my father he is pretty much done if you ask me, no more comeback gaming i really believe it is time to seriously say ggwp if you know me and how i play mobas you will know i am the first to yell ggwp at the first sign of a struggle but my dad has been struggling for like a billion years with parkinsons, he survived relatively well for longer than most have ever known, he was still walking around and talking two months ago but now he is finally more or less bed ridden and his hallucinations are getting out of control closure is something i want but i dont think it is something i will get with my dad i have a lot of anger towards him from as far as i can remember and im sure the reasons arent fair but im not angry anymore (you all know im not angry anymore in general) i just feel a pity for him and i dont like to feel pity for people because i dont think they want to feel pitied (especially my dad) i just dont know how to deal with people once you cant talk to them aside from being in their presence and spending time with them but in my honest opinion i find it very draining to be around them it is like you yourself feel a level of despair that puts you into instant depression and it takes work to get out of it like in what sense is that worth it besides your own feelings of responsibility or guilt i dont get it WHATEVER what im trying to say is im lazy im just really very lazy but i care its just my own struggle oh my god i sound so lame but yes feel free to judge me for not spending a lot of time with my mentally dying dad
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 00:01:26 +0000
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