I came to a realization today. I dont know when the last time I was actually truly happy. I tried to think back and think it was sometime back in my teenage years....and even then, it had its stressful moments. I see classmates of mine posting prom pix of their own children, attending their proms and I wonder where time has gone. But sometimes I wish I was back there and never missed my own prom. I never went. I am an unhappy person, and I honestly dont know what it is that will make me feel happy but I think a good start would be getting out of Jay. It has its good and bad points. But I dont want to spend the rest of my life here. I have already spent more than half of it here...getting tangled in situtions and opportunities that made me think, yay!!! I can finally have the kind of life I want, in the kind of house I want, and living near the lake like I want only for it to seem too good to be true. I cant turn back time (well theoretically Albert Einsteins theory of relativity says I can but nobody has done that yet. The Hadron Collider scares me, but that is another post for another day) I wish I could live though where my bills are cheaper and fewer. Nobody to gossip about me and spread lies and rumors. Nobody to complain about my dogs and chickens, or being nosy about who is at my house. I dont think such a place exists. I wish I could afford a house ($500 or less) with a view of the lake where I can watch geese and pelicans of the morning. Where Collen and I can have our poles in the water. I HAVE to be near water. It is the only time I really feel calm. It is all just a pipe dream anyway. But I would love to be back near the lake again someday. The times we lived in Bernice and Grove, especially when wed go to Lakemont every weekend...THAT is when I was truly happy.
Posted on: Mon, 21 Apr 2014 01:15:30 +0000
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