I dislike Rob Dyrdek the skateboarder. I dislike him very much. A list of things I dislike about Rob Dyrdek would include, but not be limited to: 1) His face. 2) His name. 3) The way he talks. 4) The things he says. 5) That he is a celebrity. When I was in jail we had to watch his show, “Ridiculousness,” every day. Its kind of like “Americas Funniest Home Videos” except with Dyrdek hosting, along with two sidekicks who sit on a couch and react to the videos. One is an attractive blond girl, and the other is an attractive black guy. The girl wore a Slayer shirt on one episode even though you can tell she doesnt listen to Slayer. The show consists of video montages, mostly of guys getting kicked in the balls, and Dyrdeks wry witticisms in retort. There are lots of shots of the blond girl laughing. They have a different celebrity guest each episode who sits in with the panel, and makes occasional attempts at jocular repartee. The two guests who stand out most vividly in my mind are Sugar Ray Lenard, who couldnt think of anything to say about the ball kicking, and Justin Bieber, who said far too much. I saw ten episodes of this show. It was harsh. But the real reason I dislike Rob Dyrdek is because of an episode of his old show, “Rob Dyrdeks Fantasy Factory,” in which he and his yes-men would hang out at his studio, brainstorming stupid things to do with his money. To give you an idea of the tone, in one episode, Rob had a baby bulldog on his desk, and kept showing the dogs butthole to a crony who was yucking it up sycophantically. (In case you are wondering why I was watching this show, it is because I had a friend who loved Rob Dyrdek. I forgave them for this, but only just.) In the show that turned me against him forever, he and his henchmen went to a cheap hotel on the outskirts of Las Vegas which had a lot of low income residents living at it. They walked around the property talking about their plans to buy it and turn it into a skateboard themed novelty hotel with multiple pools and mirror balls hanging from the sign. One of the poor residents saw Dyrdek, and approached him with stars in her eyes. She fawned all over him, telling him that she had watched “Rob and Big” with her mother every night of its run, and even said that she had cried during the last episode when Big moved out of Robs house. Rob could not have been more dismissive. In the most regal of tones, he told her, “Its OK, look, go back inside. Were just hanging out, taking a look around. Theres no need to get excited.” As she went inside to tell her mother shed just met their idol, I reflected on the irony that this woman who worshiped Dyrdek was about to be made homeless thanks to his ridiculous and ego-centric boondoggle. After theyd left, he and his butt-boys joked around in their SUV about how unsavory theyd found the residents, “I thought that guy was about to shank me,” guffawed one supplicant, referring to the perfectly normal looking hotel manager. So yeah, Im not a hater. I have reasons for disliking Rob Dyrdek. He was forced on me by an unfeeling media apparatus without my approval, and this is my informed assessment of his cultural value. Let me know if Im wrong.
Posted on: Fri, 30 May 2014 12:46:50 +0000
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