I have an important announcement. Today, at 14:04:16 CST, I became an old woman. I bought a pair of wrap-completely-around-my-head-hairline-to-upper-lip-covering-blacker-than-the-black-holes-of-space-do-not-let-a-sliver-of-light-in-over-the-glasses-look-like-Elvis-in-disguise sunglasses. My eyes were very happy when I walked out into the Florida sunshine; yes, Florida, the old woman capital of the USA. Now, I am considering a track suit, sparkly tennis shoes and a bridge club membership. I will be bleaching my hair and sitting in the sun every morning until I achieve the well-worn leather skin tone of my Boca sisters. I might buy a housecoat. Pet welfare has 10 cats on hold for me. I will have a dish of hard candy on my coffee table (note to self: buy coffee table). I’m going to start smelling like face powder, cookies and moth balls. However, I won’t be wearing purple and red together, because my mother says it doesn’t go. She will probably not appreciate this post, because she is none of the above. Come to think of it, neither are the mothers of my friends, or my friends who are slightly older than I am. Maybe I’ll just paint my sunglasses silver and say I’m an Elvis impersonator and let it go at that. Thank yew, thank yew very much.
Posted on: Thu, 24 Jul 2014 20:06:44 +0000
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