I have figured out why that Quaker Oats dude is smiling. He figured out how to make instant oatmeal instead of all-morning oatmeal. *ghost of my grandfather speaks* Back in my day, if we wanted oatmeal, we had to grow our own damn oats first! And build a fire to boil water with wet wood! You kids these days with your envelopes and your electric kettles...! PAH! (To my grandfather, there was no greater condemnation he could deliver than PAH! Except maybe hawk up a loogie and spit for punctuation. Luckily, lacking lungs and mucus, ghosts are loogie-less.) BUT THATS NOT ALL. Quaker Oat Man is smiling because he has invented other instant shit and hes not telling us. Thats why hes so smug. I want to know what hes hiding! Wheres the corporate whistle-blower who will tell us what marvelous inventions the Quaker Oat Man is keeping from us? I dont know why he gets under my skin this way. I can handle Mona Lisas smirk with no problem, but Quaker Oat Mans oaty self-satisfaction is maddening. GAH I NEED COFFEE. NOT INSTANT, EITHER.
Posted on: Thu, 30 Jan 2014 12:46:44 +0000
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