I learned a few things today. I learned that you should not put cooking oil into your neighbor’s windshield washer bottle in their car to get back at them for shoveling their doggie remnants in your yard. I learned that vegetarian cannibals only eat people on life support. I learned that a police escort is a date with an unhappy ending. I learned that every fifth child born in the world is Chinese—that’s why we stopped at four, I can’t speak Chinese. I learned that an undocumented immigrant is someone who doesn’t pay taxes, gets paid cash, and has free medical care—I’m getting rid of my documents NOW! I learned today that irony is listening to a president try to convince the world that war is the best solution when all I can think of was a few years ago when this same politician said, “The president wants us in the war to take our minds off of what a horrible job he is doing.” I learned that a little boy with Down syndrome can whoop me at Mario Kart—handicapped my foot! I needed a special parking placard for my little Kart. I learned that trials are so much easier when they are your own—I felt so helpless knowing what I know and not being able to help a great friend see past this season of testing. I learned that I cannot take their spiritual test for them, even when I know the answers. I learned that words mean things, for example: Politics= poly: many; tics: blood sucking creatures. I learned that when people leave you they take a piece of your heart with them. Anytime they come back, a piece of your heart comes back. Whenever they die, a piece of your heart is gone forever. I learned that I am missing a lot of my heart lately. I learned that dyslexia is a cruel word to assign a disorder that has trouble reading. I learned that things expand in the heat, no wonder I have gained so much weight this summer!! I learned that you can know you are fat when people stand really close to you just to enjoy the shade. I learned that you can know you are fat when you get on the scale and it says, “One at a time, please.” I learned that you can know you are fat when you are the landmark people use to give directions. I learned that when you borrow your neighbor’s car, you should remember what you did to the windshield washer before you try to wash the windows—it is harder to see than Miley Cyrus’ career. G’nite. Does anyone else see the irony that our president wants to put guns in the hands of Syrians to “ensure their defense of freedom”, but he wants to take our guns away…?
Posted on: Fri, 06 Sep 2013 01:54:47 +0000
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