I spent all of my time on the go. Honestly I was always doing something. Going to school, going to work, going to sheesha, spending the night at Simmones, going shopping, turning up, on and on and on! I was enjoying life cruising along doing things that made me happy, spending money & making money! But now I have no choice but to stop. Im here at home exhausted by even the thought of walking down the hallway. Ive got lots of time to think about things I never stopped to think about before. I know most of you wont read this entire big long status because right now youre living life on the go, and to be honest I dont blame yah. The things Ive finally allowed myself to think about mostly revolve around Pauleen. I met her in the hospital & we shared a room. Pauleen has cancer & knows shes going to die. Shes in her early 50s and as she says her human self isnt ready to go. It was really tough for me when I started to get better but Pauleen remained the same. It hurts a lot to think about someone as beautiful as her having to go through what she is. But even though she was in much worse condition than I, she would stay up with me at night, and tell me Id be just fine. She prayed for me. She said that I was the reason she was put into that room, because she felt more peaceful and purposeful by helping me recover knowing that she wouldnt recover herself. The term human self took me a long time to figure out. But I think Ive realized that the way I was always on the go before was me only paying attention to my human self. I dont have time for sensitive conversations or personal problems! Like who gives a shit? Just move on with life & keep on going! Pauleen made me start to think that I need a better balance. Im going to keep having fun, going out and Doug things that I enjoy but Im not going to ignore & push away the things that bother me anymore. Something good really did come out of this disaster of a situation. Thank you Pauleen. I love you and Im praying for you each day.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Oct 2013 22:13:42 +0000
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