I spoke a couple of posts ago about my best mate Alan. We have known each other and been pals for 35 years now. I think we were such good friends in the beginning because we both made girls vomit when we tried to kiss them. We have also been in some adventures together and we relived a couple of these at breakfast yesterday. One of those was something I wrote about at the very start of my journey intol social media and for some strange masochistic reason I have decided to share it with you all again. So, let’s go back to August 2007 and the Carnival Freedom and dear friends……… I should warn you…………it ain’t pretty. Alan and his wife and kids were crusing with Heidi and I and while the ship was docked in incomparable Istanbul, Turkey Alan and I decided to do something which turned out to be one of the worst experiences of our lives and it is all Alan fault. He wanted to go for a Turkish bath and somehow he caught me at weak moment and persuaded me to go with him………………..what a huge, degrading mistake. I will just tell you this; I have never been beaten, slapped and spanked like this in my life. I thought I would have a man do this but the baths we went to had a lady to bath us her name was Fatima………..and with respect…………the name fit. She was a cross between a sumo wrestler and a bulldog and, although I am not one to cast dispersions about others she was the biggest, meanest woman I had ever seen She poured buckets of soapy, slimy water over us and then brought out a broom……..yes a broom……….and started scrubbing me down like a bloody elephant at the zoo .The water was tepid at first then came the freezing cold stuff. If I was an elephant, thanks to the cold water………… I was one without a sodding trunk. Then she threw me (yep, she literally picked me up like a sack of feathers) onto a marble slab and then got this hosepipe thing and started shoving it in places that are usually EXIT ONLY. Then it’s scrub, wash, soap, slap, and smack for the next 20 minutes. After the beating, she started giving me some kind of massage on my neck and as those two hands mauled me like a groping teenager ………I started to cry…………I said “stop, it hurts” …………. but the beast just smiled and kept going. From across the room I heard Alan crying like a baby and through my pain that was the only thing that kept me going……….he was in as much pain as me because Fatima’s sister was doing the same to him . Finally, after 45 minutes of which can only be described as “humiliating,” we dressed and as we left Fatima and her sister held out her huge King Kong-like hands for a tip. I really wanted to shove the brush she had used somewhere but instead and in fear of another pasting I gave her 10 euros and buggered off………….very fast. Alan and I were clean, cleaner than we have ever been before. We both said we would never speak of this subject again but I had to share this with you in case any of you are thinking of taking a Turkish bath. Maybe there are different types, but for me I would rather have Judge Judy shove poison ivy down my underpants than ever have a Turkish Bath again One more thing, later that night as I was on stage at the show some of the water from the hose that had been shoved up Poo Bay, decided to come out and I had to go back to the cabin and change………..Fatima it seemed, would be with me for some time to come. Alan is now the local commander of our Lifeboat ( Coastguard) and does a wonderful job. He has been tossed around in heavy seas and rescued many a life but never has he been through anything like that bath in Turkey https://facebook/southendlifeboat Give his page a like if you can
Posted on: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 19:21:59 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015