I was in the 6-item express lane at the store. Completely ignoring the sign, the fat woman ahead of me slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. The cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, So which six items would you like to buy? (Wouldnt it be great if that happened more often?) ------------------------------------------------------------ Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbors and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table. Young man, were both 90 years old, the husband said. We may not have 45 minutes. They were seated immediately. ------------------------------------------------------ The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they passed. ------------------------------------------------------ Women and cats do as they please. Men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. ------------------------------------------------------ Three friends from a local church were asked, When your body is in a casket and people pass by it, what would you like them to say? The first guys says, They could say I was a fine spiritual leader and a great family man. The next guy says, They could say I was a wonderful man and a great servant of God. The 3rd guy says, Id like them to say Look!!! Hes moving!!! ------------------------------------------------------------ Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord. God, what does a million years mean to you? The Lord says, A minute. Smith says, And what does a million dollars mean to you? The Lord says, A penny. Smith says, Can I have a penny? The Lord says, In a minute. ------------------------------------------------- A man goes to a shrink and says, Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larrys bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with just anybody.What should I do? The doctor says, Calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larrys bar? ------------------------------------------------- He was on his deathbed and says, Give me one last request, dear. The wife says, Of course, dear. He says, Six months after I die, I want you to marry Bob. She says, But I thought you hate Bob. He says, I do. -------------------------------------- A man says to the Rabbi. Rabbi, something terrible is happening. The Rabbi asked, What is wrong? The man replied, My wife is going to poison me. The Rabbi says, How can that be? The man says, Im certain shes going to poison me. What should I do? The Rabbi then offers, Tell you what. Let me talk to her, Ill see what I can find out and Ill let you know. A week later the Rabbi calls the man. He says, Your wife talked on the phone to me for 3 hours. Take the poison. --------------------------------------------------------------- I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
Posted on: Tue, 26 Aug 2014 14:27:07 +0000