I will be posting some of my original notes here to let you look at what the intention of my message is and where I am heading surviving an emotional hurricane. March 19, 2012 at 12:22am have been meaning to write this for almost a year now. I havent got around to it out of some fear. A fear that I might offend a lot of people and a fear of not properly getting out the message I inteded. But God spoke to my heart and told me to stop waffling and spread this message. For those who dont believe the way I do, I am sorry but i will not sugar coat my faith or my belief system. For those who might get upset with my words, this is not about anger or pride or blame, i just need to revisit a time in my life where i was at my lowest to show what God has done for me and share in His Glory. so fasten your seatbelts, its gonna be bumpy January , 2011 was a month I wish i could forget but will never be able to do so. It was a point I was the lowest I had EVER been in my life. I was alone in my heart and while my daughter lived with me, we were miles apart and it was my doing. My roomate had left, my daughters mom had briefly stayed with us and had help to upset the whole house and i allowed the events to cloud my judgement and i was making foolish life changing decisions. I had been used, lied to, lied about, stolen from, taken advantage of and while I could take the easy route and blame others, i allowed it to happen so it is my fault. I had chased a dream and found it but when i got there, i wasnt ready for it. I was so emotionally spent that the selfish thought of taking my own life had crossed my mind because i had nothing left. i was in a downward spiral and it looked like i would never get out of it. Then, a light shined in to my darkness. and it was brought by my daughter. She had been asking me several months about going to church and I blew her off a lot. I later realized i did that because, like Adam, I tried to hide my shame for what I had been doing and not doing. I took her on a trip with me to the doctor then we had to stop by work and she asked my boss,Erick, where his church was located because he had invited me several times. He told her so i was on the hook, i had to go. I went in filled with self doubt and thinking God wont love me for what I have done or my problem was too big but then Ryan Beaty preached God will speak Grace and the mountains in your path will be made flat as the plains and the seed was sprouted. We became regulars and then a couple weeks later I was driving home, when Blessings by Laura Story came on the radio(my daughter had asked if we could listen to christian radio and KSBJ happened to be on mine then) I had to pull over because the tears were falling so fast from my eyes. I realized God hadnt abandoned me, I just needed to humble myself before Him and I had to hit rock bottom before I could fly. All the things that were going wrong in my life were lessons from God to show me. Being put in my place at work by Mike was to teach me humility(because i didnt realize then I had a big ego). making a smaller paycheck taught me to be more thrifty and less wasteful. and doing something with my daughter she wanted to do (going to church) was just the small lamb leading the old ram back to the flock. the next time i walked into Cornerstone Christian Center in Brenham, Texas I had a new lease on life and a sense of hope and happiness. It seemed every time i went to church, the message that was given was meant just for me.I felt the Joy in my life that I had let be taken from me. I have sinced learned, that is the one thing that can be shared, nurtured, grown and loved for but should NEVER be allowed to be taken away. I am not talking about happiness, we all get discouraged, upset, disappointed but if we keep our Joy, then Satan cant come into our hearts. They say Idle hands are the devils tools, but I believe that an Idle Heart is the devils real tool. If you dont share the joy and love in your heart with others, you are just letting Satan creep in and put doubt, and resentment and hatred in the spot that your compassion and Joy and Love should be. I let Satan park himself in my heart and it almost cost me everything. If i had given in to his temptation, i would not be here today and I would have destroyed my family and friends in the process by taking Satans way out of the problem. It would have been a permament solution to a temporary problem. But I am blessd my daughter knocked some sense into me and put me back on the path of His Word and I am blessed to have her, Pastor John Paul Cruz and the rest of my family at Cornerstone in Brenham, all my friends and family around me and here on facebook and also the new friends and brothers and sisters in Christ i will find here in vidor at Turning Point.. If you never have heard that song that changed my life please go listen to Blessings by laura story and it will touch your heart, i promise you. This isnt the last you will hear from me on Gods works in my life, only the begining. Pastor John Paul told me I had something in me to share with the world and go out and do Gods work. I feel God called me to share this and i appologize if there is a lot here, becuase I just let go and let God lead me to type these words. I will share more of the good works in my life through Him later and be prepared because they will either having you say Praise God or are you serious or maybe even both. I will continue to share because Pastor Gau at Turning Point said we need to walk in the Spirit and not in regret and if i hadnt shared this, i feel i would regret it later. I love you all and remember through Him all is possible.
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 03:49:09 +0000
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