I will be the first to admit that sometimes I get a little depressed. Sometimes I shut myself off and lock myself away from the world. This last week has been an amazing week, and on the outside I have succeeded in many ways. Though business is slow this time of year in South Florida, I have been making more money than I expected. I got to chat with and meet Don King of all people, someone I only saw on TV as a child. I even lucked into a small speaking role on a TV show being filmed where I work. All the while I was nothing but depressed. Nobody could tell. I dont wear my heart on my sleeve. I cant tell you why I get depressed, although if you take a look at my life, you will wonder how it is that I even exist. I have survived most everything that is meant to kill a human being, and though I dont smile like I used to, I am alive, and thats okay. Today the clouds broke through, and it was like the door I had shut tight had been flung open, and the light was shining upon my face. Suddenly, where this last week all I could see was failure and my mistakes, I could see a world of possibilities, I could feel hope. I cant tell you what triggers these seasons in my brain, but much like the phases of the moon, the tide of my mental perception rises and falls between midnight and noon. I have learned to embrace both the darkness and the light. I have learned that I should be grateful for every moment of peace, and every time I have to fight. I dont fight the depression as the tide washes me away. I just brace myself through the storm knowing that it wont always be that way. It is during those darkest moments that I turn to higher forces and I pray. I cant say whether or not they have any sway on when and how long I am depressed, or when I will again see the light of day. But I pray, because sometimes Im just not strong enough on my own to make it anyway. When I am not depressed I can see all the opportunities placed before me, and I am like an unstoppable machine, a runaway train. When I am depressed, it is like I am all out of steam, and I dont see any point in living, any hope or dream. The balance is somewhere in the middle, but I reside at both extremes. I write because I am sure there is someone out there who feels this exact same way. You are not alone. You are not abnormal. You are not unloved. Do not be afraid. Everything rises and falls... That is the way...
Posted on: Tue, 15 Jul 2014 16:39:44 +0000
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