IT TAKES TWO LEADERS TO MAKE MARRIAGE WORK ! Im sure you are thinking two captains cannot be in one ship blah blah blah! Please dont kick just yet ! Of course the man is the head of the home and this piece does not run counter to that assertion. In fact I am not about to argue about the position or rank of the woman in marriage; my concern more than all of that is to inspire performance. Bishop David Oyedepo says there is no entitlements in titles Why should there even be a power play in marriages? Shouldnt it be normal for everyone to synergize and pull in the same direction for maximum mutual results? I thought the home should be anything but a battle ground between a couple. Correct me if am wrong. Wow! I had to do this to get off the grounds with my thread here and I hope that sacrifice is enough to put to rest the superiority fights in male/female relationships as far as this piece is concerned. Let me begin by saying a great marriage is never by chance or luck, but a responsible performance of top leadership quality. Around here (Africa especially), the concept of leadership is almost completely alien to us. What we are most naturally farmiliar with is rulership. A ruler is to be worshipped and dreaded. Everyone else is a subject, at best grateful slaves almost. Its the reason people fight and destroy one another over leadership...Sorry RULERSHIP positions around here. Being at the top is always seen as opportunity to control and not to generate cumulative energies for astounding results. The ruler simply put his subjects to work and all profits goes to the ruler. Thats the picture of rulership and our political scene is filled with that kinds of stereotype. Leadership is not so much of getting result at the expense of a subject but the ability to influence and motivate those around you to synergize and pull in the same direction for tremendous impact. My topic here says, only two leaders can make a marriage work. Why? The attitude and performance of a leader is by miles different from that of a follower. A leader thinks this thing MUST NOT flop a follower thinks I will do as am told, and if it flops, God knows its not my fault. A leader is responsible always, accutely seeking to influence and determined the outcome of situations favourably. He or she tries to make things happen. A leader thinks if its to be, it up to me. This is the kind of mentality that the most successful organizations thrive on. Most employers today in a subtue way require that an employee possess these leadership qualities because everything works better and faster with better results when everyone posseses this qualities. In fact in reality, the best follower is always someone with astute leadership qualities. In marriage, it take a real leader to acknowledge the unique place of another person and to deliberately, consciously and heartily submit to it. For a leader, submission is a principle, a deliberate thing done to engineer a positive morale in the other person and not a proof of inferiority and dread. In the Trinity; God the father, God the son and God the Holy Spirit, they submit one to another and its never an issue of superiority or inferiority but order and synergy. Because the submission is deliberate, it is total and hearty without any malice or reluctance. I dare say very very few husbands around here can boast that their wifes submission is void of acrimony and reluctance. For most, especially the older generations, its a helpless but dangerous resign to fate. Its a fate devoid of synergistic energies but potent for subtle sabotage and ill-will. God made us in his image, and God did not intend that His image should enjoy bowing to anything or anyone. Its almost natural to resist anything that suggests one is lower than anything and anyone. Pride is not inability to submit to other people, its inability to submit to godly order. It simply means those who wants you to submit to them just to prove they are superior to you are arrogant and out of order with divine purpose. So its almost never free of quarel to demand that someone be subject and bow to another person. A person may have enough power, wealth or influence to make other people bow but its never without inner rebellion unexpressed, and that doubtless will always destroy synergy which always is the chief goal of relationships. Genuine submission can only come from a leader because he or she understands divine order and therefore does it heartily, deliberately and with joy for the purpose of the ultimate outcome and not because he/she is an unfortunate subject. To be totally submissive and yet absolutely RESPONSIBLE can only come from a leader. I remember back then in Ibadan, my Pastor for whatever reason was feeling discouraged about the ministry and started to slow down. Something remarkable happened. His wife rose up strong. She came into the mainstream of things and with all the passion she had was able to motivate all of us to make things happen. Things picked up and the Pastor after a well deserved rest (most pastors dont know when and how to rest) came back and took his place again. The wife did everything as if everything depended on her and not on her husband. What a remarkable leader. Extremely responsible! Some women are so irresponsible that they dont even know how to use the remote control in their living room. Oga has to come and turn on the plasma Tv and the home theater and so on. She is completely clueless about the future and economy of her home. She plays no significant role in engineering how things go in her home. Whatever happens in that home is never her fault. She cant call her man; after all he is the man, he should be doing the calling and buying air time. Just docile. Is this a working home or a zoo? One shall chase a thousand, and two shall put ten thousand to flight Its only two individuals who are leaders enough to on their own chase a thousand, that can come together, synergize and chase ten thousand. Its not automatic. Please marry a leader and not a follower who is not chasing anything rather is being chased. But first be sure you are a leader yourself. Marriage is not about looking for someone to take care of you and be responsible for your entire life and future. Its finding someone you want to be responsible for and to take care of. Only a leader can enjoy this lifestyle. If you are already married and your wife is a follower dont be afraid to do something drastic. Groom her for leadership but before you do that take the pains and time to explain the value of her leadership to her. Everyone has got leadership abilities but not everyone is responsible enough to be one. Begin to talk her up and to remove her from the level of a subject. You are the head and she is the co-pilot and not just some passanger. Your results will shock the world. This is not the popular notion around here, so I perfectly understand if you have a bit of a challenge accepting it....but believe me, its the only way to maximize love, relationships and marriage.
Posted on: Sun, 02 Feb 2014 19:04:18 +0000
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