ITS SUNDAY MAWNIN...This and EVERYDAY is the Day that the Lord Hath Made...REJOICE! And Be Glad in it..Welcome Saints and Aints..First of All, let me Announce that we will have Blinders put on the windows of the doors leading into the sanctuary, because Rickey Smiley has been Sneaking over here, trying to steal my fire..LOL...Well, as promised, we have NOT ONE, but 3 CONTROVERSIAL VISITORS with us today, which is why you see the EXTRA HOLY WATER Placed by the Baptismal pool. Security has been beefed up because we have with us, Donald Sterling, his Estranged wife, Shelley, and of course, the Half Black girlfriend that has made his life miserable..lol..Do NOT get excited or be afraid because you see Sterlings Security Guards with the White sheets and Hoods over their heads..LOL...Earlier, we Tried to Baptize Sterling at his request, but the water in the Baptismal pools began to Boil for some reason, and we had to Immediately stop the process, so we are asking all Available Deacons to form a circle around Sterling to lay hands on him. ALL DEACONS! ALL DEACONS! Well, Looks like they ALL SUDDENLY LEFT DA CHUUUUCHH..LOL..We are Sorry Donald Sterling, but I am sure they did Not leave ON YOUR ACCOUNT..LMBO...We are asking that you Sterling, your wife, and Half-Black girlfriend, meet with the Prayer warriors Immediately after church in Da Pastors Study. Your KKK, I meant, your Security Guards in White Sheets will NOT be allowed in the Pastors Study. Vivica Fox has joined us today and she is asking the church to PRAY FOR HER. It seems that Kenya Moore, who got beat down by Porsha on RHOA, has taken those antics to the set of Celebrity Apprentice, and we know Trump, the Bad Hairpiece Guru, will NOT Tolerate Kenyas foolishness. Kenya STOLE Vivicas cell phone, and Posted an Ugly message to Twiiter about Menopause regarding Vivica Fox, so Vivica has asked that we PRAY HER STRENGTH to keep her from Pulling out the Rest of the Weave that Porsha had begun to pull out..lol..Sis. Vivica Fox, we will invite u down so the Deacons can lay hands on you as well. It seems they have returned to the Sanctuary..LOL..We ask that ALL BIGOTS who are visiting us today, Please, SIGN UP for our Racial Tolerance/Sensitivity class here at the church, which will be taught by members of the BLACK PANTHER PARTY...LOL..WE CONGRATULATE ALL OF OUR GRADUATES!! We will have a Dinner next week to celebrate the Graduates in the church. If you are 22 and Just finished high school, you are Not considered a High School Graduate..LOL..You will be at the Alternative Graduates dinner two weeks from now..lol..Vacation Bible school will begin in two weeks and we are asking for volunteers. Dont All Raise Your Hands At Once..LOL..OK..We will tell the kids to KEEP THEIR CELL PHONES AT HOME, so NO Teachers will be recorded talking about Be-Be Kids, who themselves, cuss teachers out and threaten teachers..So, NO CELL PHONES ALLOWED IN VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL..LOL..As we approach Summer months, the temperatures are rising, and we had planned on giving away FREE Window fans to those who could Not afford them. However, Sis. Lattimores son, June Bug, broke into the church and stole the fans, then he sold them on the streets. For everyone who bought one of those stolen fans, may only Hot Air blow from them..LOL..Donald Sterling and Donald Trump have agreed to write checks to buy more fans because they want Tax Write-Off status when they file their Income Tax..Thats right! They DONT FILE..LOL..Our Revival will begin next week as we worship with the Little White Church on the Big Black Hill..We ask that Everyone come out and have a Good time with both churches. Tomorrow is Memorial Day and the church will have their Annual Memorial Day cook-out, so Please, NO BROWN BAGS at the cook-out..We will have EVERYONE CHECKED before entering the premises to make sure you dont have any of that Devils Juice. PLEASE BE SAFE This Memorial Day weekend. For those who read my SUNDAY MAWNIN Messages but are TOO AFRAID TO COME IN..LOL..Look for these Chuuuuch Members to be Coming to a stage near you soon..As always, LOVE SOMEONE TODAY, BECAUSE TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED...THE DOORS OF DA CHUUUCH ARE OPENED!
Posted on: Sun, 25 May 2014 14:25:18 +0000