Id been having a really bad week or two leading up to the news of Robin Williams death. Then I was faced hourly with posts and news relating to depression and suicide and had to keep up with replying to posts and messages. I just wanted to hide in bed and make it all go away. I yelled at my girls, which I just DONT do and then promptly dissolved into a sobbing mess. They hugged me and I wiped my tears and kept sorting dinner and apologised and messaged my friend to say I couldnt face going out that night, we had tickets to a play. I told her I cant stop crying and cant face leaving the house. She text me back Youre coming...get ready words to that affect ;-) She let me rant and rave as we drove into the city and then we watched a play about a dysfunctional family which actually made me laugh a little too much...I guess it put things in perspective a bit for me. Last night my girls quoted from one of their books, the characters discussing why a man would have committed suicide. Maybe all his strings broke I said to them - thats how I feel sometimes, like all my strings have broken. I said I fixed them last night by going out with Paula. They hugged me and asked why they couldnt fix them? I explained that they can just love and hug me but its not up to them to fix them and that I just needed to go and do something different and talk to someone who would listen and not judge or even try to fix me (thank you Paula!) So my strings are taped up and re-knotted and Im good and Ive put some plans in place with my darling Mike to make life easier and was honest about the toll things are taking on me. Mums too often feel the need to just cope The point of saying all this? Its OK to admit your strings are fraying, its OK to let your children know you arent coping because if they see you battle through and smile again they learn that you can come through those bad days. Also to let people know that despite appearances we just dont know how things are on the inside for others. So my FB friends who see all my photos of my Grateful Project may think I have a charmed existence and mostly I do but depression gets me and unravels me from time to time. We must remember to keep connecting and checking on our friends. And I mean actually checking on them, like my lovely other friend Sarah did this morning (thank you) not just liking or commenting on FB. A cup of tea and a chat can do wonders. Lets take the time to look out for one another and watch for signs that their strings might be a bit fragile. Have a beautiful day and get out from behind that screen you are reading this on and connect. -Jo
Posted on: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 21:47:17 +0000
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