In the interest of trolling, and yeah, avoiding an 80,000-word workbook ugh…I am honored to present my list of “Scariest Facebook Friends” You know I love all of you, but heaven help me, some of you are scary. And I gulp a little bit when your name appears on my feed. This means you are interacting with me, and depending on who you are, this could be really cool and funny dialog or really messy and terrifying. I have ranked you all in the order of your scariness level. This is based on… The “Mitchorithm” which your total scare-ability rating on things like • OMG He/She said something to me! This is indeed big news! • Your scary-ass status updates, where I often think to myself I DON’T WANT TO KNOW… • Wow…he/she actually liked my status. I am relieved. • He/she did get I was joking, right? Uh oh… • Stalking you and seeing the other pages you post on. SHUDDER • Wow you ACTUALLY believe that??? Hooo boy. • Oh geez now he/she is going to rant for at least 81 more comments… • You are surprisingly smart and brilliant and I am intimidated by your genius. I can only hope that you agree with me, you amazing person. • Oh no, my mother reads these posts…what did this sick pervert say this time? • You do have the tendency to be uh, dramatic sometimes? • Every time you post, I pop a Xanex. • Every time you say something, I drink to alleviate the pain. Now, for the sake of diplomacy I won’t post the results but feel free to ask for your rating. You might be surprised to know I don’t fear you, but actually like you and we share similar points of view. Now if you really do scare me and merit a TOP 10 scariest Facebook friend listing, I will probably just post a smiley face. Congratulations, you scare The Late Mitchell Warren, the scariest one of all.
Posted on: Fri, 04 Apr 2014 06:12:16 +0000
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