Its good to sit down and sort things out and go through things, when its awfully dark and early isnt it - and its nice to have company at that time of day. I did have one very awkward tenant, I do try to be fair, but she just wouldnt move out. Even though I had become extremely unhappy with the way she was breaking the lodgers agreement with regard to the use of lights in her room. I do like them to turn off the lights in the part of the room that they are not actually in at the time. I insist on that, otherwise I cant keep the rents so low. Its very difficult. And it makes me unhappy when I sit and watch a tenant on the video monitor that I have monitoring each room, just to ensure proper conduct in the house. They dont actually know about them but that is under the terms and agreements that I have with myself. But it does make me unhappy to sit and watch them breaking this house rules. Now, this girl in my view was having too many guests, I dont mind any number of guests in what I call moderation. No, most of my tenants dont actually have so many as it happens. Certainly overnight guests are extremely rare. But I do have a rule with myself, again, that if they do have an overnight guest then Ill turn the video off. But it does seem to me that most of them prefer to masturbate. But this girl had, what I felt was, one too many guests. And she wasnt really fitting in with the house in general. She was creating a bad atmosphere. So I told her, quite civilly, but she refused to take the hint. And I am extremely civil in all my dealings with my tenants, theres only been one unpleasant incident in 27 years. And that was when I had a chap who had been in the secret service, and he used to sit in his room and stare out the window straight onto a brick wall all day. And he actually asked for a room with a view of a brick wall and I had given him one. I mean, he was harmless enough but he used to slide down the bannisters in quite a disruptive way, and I thought in the end that the best thing would be if I shot him. And I did that with the co-operation of the Home Office. You know, they had a lot of trouble with him as well, they tried to scrub his brain with a wire brush but you cant be sure, so he ended up taking an assisted dive down the stairwell. But I mean, that was in the 60s, you couldnt do that now. I wasnt going to do that with this girl, I was being very civil with this girl but she wasnt moving out. And eventually I gave her an ultimatum and I said if youre not out by next weekend well have to evict you formally. And she said Oh I have my rights and I thought, well, we had got into a bit of a mess here so I just waited until the Sunday night and she hadnt gone, and I could see she was asleep on the video monitor and I went down to her room. I do have a key for each room, just for the odd occasion I have to sluice them out. And I went in and I tip-toed to the bottom of her bed and lifted up her bed clothes and took out a scalpel, a very sharp scalpel, I used to be a medical student. And I slithered the thinnest possible layer of skin from the bottom of her foot and it just came away like a sort of silk insole. And I took it out and I put it under a shrub. And the next morning I looked at her and she looked at me and there was no kind of vibe at all, no, it was all very pleasant. And the next night I did the same thing, a very thin slither of skin off her foot and I did that again, and again and again every night until 3 months later and I looked in there and she wasnt there at all. And I went out and I looked under the shrub and she wasnt there either, and thats how I get rid of any tenant who doesnt want to leave now.
Posted on: Sat, 22 Mar 2014 22:10:25 +0000
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