Its mad to think that this time last year I was in a messed up state, in and out of the psychiatric wards in QMC every week, I was really struggling with the bipolar and my eating disorders, Id refuse to eat or drink, would self harm where possible by writing things down that attack myself in every aspect of my life, I tried to get it in to my head that I didnt deserve to be happy and everyone around me would be better off if I was gone. I couldnt leave the house for weeks, sometimes months at a time which meant I pushed everyone away, I couldnt bare talking to or seeing friends and family, and had all on trying to get by day to day in a seriously unhappy relationship, knowing I could never do anything right. Now, well, I can go out without having panic attacks every hour, Im a lot more stable in my moods and my episodes are near none existent compared to before. Sure my moods are still rapid cycling and I sometimes seem like a walking contradiction, but thats how my mind works, one second Im over the moon with high hopes, the next I want to see the world burn and no one cares. Ive lost friends and made new ones, Ive pushed hard to get myself better and more manageable, Ive learned to trust people a little, Ive moved away from my house, business, animals and everything I worked hard to achieve, but you know what? Id do it all over again just because I know Im in a better place now. Im working my way back to the top, slowly but surely Ill get there and when I do, Ill be right back at the top of my game, where I belong. To those who stood by me and continue to do so through thick and thin, I owe you more than youd ever know and I will always have your backs, to those who left me in my weakest and most vulnerable states, I hope you choke on your own bile.
Posted on: Sat, 02 Aug 2014 22:17:05 +0000
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