Ive come to understand that I have been fighting with an eating disorder either obesity, underweight or body dysmorphia for over 20 years now. Through these last months of careful examination, finally I mean FINALLY taking the break I so desperately have needed to rest and recover from the rat race of trying to be perfect and accepted, I have stopped trying. Since I was a teenager I have tried to please others with my looks, my size and my appearance. My baseline was my older sister and generally speaking I didnt become obessive with my weight until pregnancy and I gained 75lbs and was told I was obese. This shocked my always athletic frame that relied on my face to get through school and gain friends. I immediately started the cycle of weight loss pills, fad diets, resorted to bulemia, diuretics and have for the last 16 years until now. I tallied over 400lbs of weight gained and lost in this time. I can proudly say that today, I am not running from my body, or hiding from my scars, my stretch marks, the opinions of others as I have since childhood. I feel beautiful now for the first time without makeup, dont know what I weigh, and dont really care to be honest. I am enough. Just me, just as I am.
Posted on: Mon, 04 Aug 2014 01:25:51 +0000
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