JOB ALERT! JOB ALERT!! JOB ALERT!!! Are you in search of job, search no more! The answer has come. But The first test will be about how patient you are! Show how eager you are and how concerned you are for that unemployed spouse/relative/friend by PATIENTLY scrolling down! . . . . . . . . . . . . .. ... .. .. . . . . . . . Keep scrolling please! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . Just a little more! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. . WANTED! WANTED!! WANTED!!! Applications are hereby invited from suitably qualified candidates for vacancies in the operations department of a reputable international terrorist organization, with activities all over the world. This recruitment drive has become necessary because of the unusually high number of vacancies occasioned by the on-going crusade against terrorism by the so-called international coalition, led by the Americans (The Great Satan) and their ever eager running dogs, the British. Candidates should be between the ages of 15 and 39 years. Middle-aged applicants would be considered as not young enough to be stupid, but not old enough to be senile, while older applicants would be too old for the rigours of life as a field terrorist. While previous experience in bomb making, and proficiency in the handling of AK-47 rifles, would be an advantage, such will not be considered to be absolutely necessary. The ability to fly aircraft of any kind (except kites, which are still banned) would be a decisive advantage. The following character traits are compulsory for prospective terrorists: · The would-be terrorist must be completely free from prejudice, i.e., he must hate everyone equally. · The prospective terrorist must abhor debates, dialogue, negotiation, compromise and any other means by which the heresies of others might pollute or vitiate his purist views, beliefs and positions. He must believe in revolutionary and/or holy violence/war as the only means by which he can persuade his adversaries –those of them that survive such measures. · The ideal terrorist must have a very low regard for life, especially human life, including his own, in the pursuance of his purist objectives. · The corollary of the above is that the prospective terrorist must at any time be ready to joyously exchange his earthly life for the life of a martyr in Paradise, through holy or revolutionary violence or war. · The would-be terrorist must loath and despise all forms of beauty and art; these shall include: music, statues, monuments, sculptures, paintings, photography, cinema, religious relics, hair and beard styling (and other products ofbarbers’ shops), the comeliness of a woman’s unveiled face, etc. The only musica terrorist should enjoy is the blast of a suitably planted bomb and the screams of the wounded and dying. The only visual art a terrorist is permitted to relish is the twisted remains of a bombed building, aircraft or ships, and the mangled bodies of the dead and dying. Given the high rate of production of martyrs brought about by George W. Bush’s crusade, it is logical that the section of ‘Paradise’ set aside for martyrs is becoming crowded with individuals of the character traits elucidated above. It is also understandable that such individuals would tend to favour their fellow martyrs with the sort of behaviour that made them such good terrorists while they were on earth. Thus, paradise would become a terrorists’ paradise, a gangsters’ paradise, a paradise that can best be described as – well, Hell. It is to minimize the danger of the occurrence of the above that each successful terrorism applicant will be required to sign an undertaking that he would not indulge in bomb-making, revolutionary or holy violence/war, or any other anti-social activities, should he be martyred and transported to ‘Paradise’. Remuneration is attractive and in line with that expected of a reputable international terrorist organization with a global presence. However, the mother of all benefits is the opportunity to be martyred and immediately transported to Hell, sorry Paradise. Would-beterrorists are expected to apply in person at any of the terrorist training camps world wide – those that have not received the kind attentions of George Bush’s B52s. Your ability to locate and report to any of these training campsis part of the selection interview. ---------------- Nicked with permission from the wall of Ian G. Udoh And yes, e don tey I find better trouble so, na him make me tag all of una! Oya, wetin una fit do me? *flees*
Posted on: Sun, 21 Sep 2014 17:35:39 +0000
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