Kramer prepares for a camping trip with nothing but bungee cords as his equipment: A bungee tent, bungee clothes, even a bungee canteen. He has so many bungee cords that he can’t fit them all in his car, so he affixes them to its roof — with bungee cords. Jerry gets in a heated argument with Elaine about what exactly was in Marcellus Wallace’s briefcase, and he coincidentally discovers that if he says the phrase, “Time out,” time actually does stop for everyone and everything but him. Rather than use this extraordinary ability to right any of the world’s wrongs, improve himself, or even just to take naps, he merely calls Time Outs to break the fourth wall and soliloquize about his current situation. George invites Jerry to join him on a long walk across the George Washington Bridge, so the two make a day of it. When they’re halfway across, an aggressive roller skater slams into George, sending him tumbling over the side, hundreds of feet in the air, toward certain death. Jerry looks on with horror and desperately shouts, “TIME OUT!” Everything and everyone stops right where they had been. Jerry catches his breath and looks over the side of the bridge. “You all right down there, buddy?” He’s not sure why he asked, since George is clearly incapable of responding, but there he is. With all the time in the world, Jerry strolls back home to think about how best to solve the situation, sidling past Kramer, who had apparently been bursting through Jerry’s front door right when Jerry called a Time Out. He spends days of endless sunlight contemplating how to rescue George, and halfway through a sketchbook of ideas, he thinks he’s figured it out. Jerry starts assembling scaffolding that hangs off the side of the bridge using materials scavenged from construction crews near the site. For ten hours he labors, then makes the long walk home, stopping in fancy restaurants to eat the meals right off people’s plates. Mercifully, each meal is just as hot and fresh as it was when time marched forward. The next ten hours he sleeps, then continues the cycle again. On one occasion, Jerry loses weeks of work when a shoddily attached bolt causes a structural collapse. He only narrowly avoids taking the fatal plunge himself, hanging on to a sturdily attached metal bar and pulling himself back up by his fingers. In shock and full of anger, Jerry walks over to the roller skater who caused this mess in the first place. He looks the roller skater in the eye, less than an inch from his face. “Do you know how hard I’ve been working‽ he screams, spittle landing on the roller skater’s eyeball. Full of rage, he punches the roller skater over, and over, and over again. None of it registers on the roller skater’s face, but it will. It will. Jerry is tempted to call a brief Time In just to watch that pain appear, calculating how much time he could waste before George would die. While running the numbers, his temper subsides, and he wisely chooses to just go home for the day. Perhaps tonight, he thinks, I’ll finally have that filet mignon I’ve been eyeing. The next “day,” Jerry begins his toils anew, this time double-checking all his construction to prevent another fiasco. After a long, long time spent working, he finally reaches the point in the air where George is located, but he’s struck by a sudden realization: He can’t simply construct a floor beneath George (he would slam into it at high velocity, probably killing him anyway), and he’s far too heavy for Jerry to carry him back up the scaffolding. Jerry is not deterred, though. Finally happy with his progress, he heads home. The next day, before making the commute, Jerry stops by Kramer’s car, which is loaded with bundles of bungee cords inside and out. He takes the longest of them and continues on his way. He walks to the bridge with a certain bounce in his step, confident in his plan. He clambers down the scaffolding and ties the cables around George’s arms and torso, giving the cord a little tug to ensure it’s snug. “Everything’s going to be all right, George,” he whispers in his friend’s ear. He climbs back up to the bridge, and this particular bungee cord is just barely long enough to be tied on. Jerry strains as he stretches the cable around one of the bridge’s beams, ensures that it’s taut, and dusts off his hands. The hard part is over, but Jerry isn’t able to call Time In just yet. He spends the next several… weeks? months? disassembling all the scaffolding he had so carefully constructed, then bringing the pieces back to the trucks from whence they came. There’s nothing he can do about all the food he’s stolen, but the restaurants will just have to settle that with their insurance companies, he supposes. When all traces of his work (save for the bungee cord) are gone, Jerry stands looking over the bridge. His hair is a little thinner; a few more wrinkles line his face. Nonetheless, he’s full of joy. He shouts to the sky so God can hear, “TIME IN!” George’s body reverses its direction and starts flying upward immediately. “Not only am I the most dashing comedian on two legs,” Jerry says to himself, “I’m easily the most versatile.” A nearby roller skater collapses and cries out in pain. A crowd gathers around Jerry while he waits for George’s body to stop bouncing on the dangling cord, and then he reels him in. “Glad to have you back, pal!” George does not respond. When Jerry lays his friend on the ground, it is in repose. Tears streak across Jerry’s cheeks. “George?” The medical examiner says, “Due to the way George had apparently tied himself up, and the inexplicable tautness of his bungee cord, it appears your friend died of a snapped neck.” Jerry’s bravest, smartest, finest efforts to save his friend were not just in vain, not just a failure, but a complete perversion of success. “Are you all right, Mr. Seinfeld?” the medical examiner asks. His face pale, Jerry looks her right in the eye. “Time out,” he says. He walks back to the George Washington Bridge, the city around him frozen in time. He finds the exact site of George’s death, stands upon the rail, and performs a swan dive into the Hudson River. The traffic above remains stuck in time. Pendulums swing no more. The Earth hangs suspended in a still sky. No soul remains who can call Time In.
Posted on: Sun, 09 Mar 2014 20:56:24 +0000
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