Most people would think everything is great with me. I am so empty inside that things are really not good. Suffering from ptsd things are rock bottom for me. I thought I was getting through this when i was designing all the graphics stuff for the August Bank Holiday Weekender Festival. Well that got cancelled and I am still owed over £4.000 for all that work I did. This has ripped my passion out of me. I feel used and a looser. I am trying to get back into my graphics stuff but I feel I have lost my soul. On top of this I am going through so weird personal issues that I am finding hard to grasp, allot of bad nights sleep are more and more accurring as well as personal crying break downs that are becoming to frequent the more and more I feel being squeezed of my last remaining energy. All I want is to be happy again and be me with the passion of freedom and be in a circle that wont harm or destroy me. The only thing that helps me day by day is making my house mix albums that have recently become popular on Soundcloud. I dont know why I wrote this but maybe I am hoping this will help release some of the bad feelings I have, as theres a lot more devilish stuff to fight thru. Sometimes I wonder will this ever end, will I ever get past and thru this horrific journey that is eating away at me. Flash backs dont help always reminding me of my past with my abusive father to living on the streets to being alone for many many years. I do miss me, I miss alot of things but not sure if I can stand tall anymore......
Posted on: Fri, 03 Oct 2014 08:38:14 +0000
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