My New Year’s Collecting Resolutions- Larry Rush 1. I resolve not to lecture the DEP officer as to who REALLY owns the state land on which I was collecting . (Last year’s fine- $70) 2. I resolve to always check to be sure the toilet tissue is included in my collecting buckets. (Last year’s result- soreness from oak leaves) 3. In the event I again forget resolution #2, I resolve to always count the number of leaves on the tissue substitute. (Last year’s result- ungodly itching, my doctor’s humiliating laughter, and permanent notes in my medical records) 4.I resolve to never again use motor oil as an emergency substitute for insect repellent. (Last year’s result-a 2 week rash following 3 straight showers and Lysol soap) 5. I resolve never to make the “one last” hammer trimming blow on a prized crystal specimen. (Last year’s result- a worthless pile of fragments instead of First Prize in the club’s show exhibit) 6. I resolve to never again show my daughter that a senior citizen can still leap over a barbed wire fence while walking to the garnet mine (Last year’s result- torn pants, ripped buttocks which she had to disinfect and bandage, and a source of scornful tales that will never end at family get-togethers) 7. I resolve to pay closer attention to the road signs posted at the wood’s edge near my favorite pegmatite. (Last year’s result- $70 towing charge, a reprint in my club’s bulletin from the local newspaper’s “Police Blotter”, and my subsequent resignation as Field Trip Chairman.) 8. I resolve not to use my 5 foot, 50 pound railroad pry bar as a hiking staff while climbing a quarry wall ( Last year’s result- broken femur, ambulance ride, $2370 Emergency Room charges, and no new calcites from that site) 9.In the event that I am unable to follow these resolutions completely, my wife also resolves to limit my collecting in [2014] to the...Show while in her direct line of sight at all times.
Posted on: Sat, 28 Sep 2013 22:08:35 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015