One year ago today, I gave what will always be the most stressful and emotional performance of my life. An hour before, I stood outside of the DAFB Chapel alone and watched as my mother was was wheeled in by the funeral home men. I was struck by how careful they were. Those moments seemed to last a lifetime and were some of the most gut wrenching of my life. An hour later, I sat in front of a church packed with family, friends, and so many people whose lives my mother had touched. I picked up my bassoon and I played three movements of the Bach Flute Partita. Im still not sure how I made it through, I just knew that I had to. Many people thought I was crazy for even wanting to play at my mothers funeral, but many completely understood. We as musicians are lucky that we have an outlet for all of our emotions. Playing was the only way I knew how to grieve. All of my anger, grief, sadness, and frustration has been channeled into my playing. Throughout the last year, music has been my escape. Im not sure that I would have survived if I didnt have music. To me, it was a no-brainer that I would play at my mothers funeral. She was one of my biggest supporters, and even bought my first bassoon for me. I felt her beside me as I played for her, and I feel her beside me every time I am on stage. I thank God everyday for the gift of music, and allowing me to use it to heal.
Posted on: Thu, 03 Jul 2014 02:45:41 +0000
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