Our little girl knows Daddy is in Kevin. She says she misses him, I know she sees him, and feels special to have her angel daddy who knows all, sees all, and will always be with her. Conversations most people havent had with their middle schoolers or teenagers, Ive had with my toddler, and my infant son (even though he sleeps through what I say right now--like father, like son.). This is our new normal: frank conversations about life. And death. But this morning, out of nowhere as I dropped her off at daycare, I didnt know what to say. Mama, are you gonna die? How are we talking about our dinner and library date last night in one breath, to that the next? Immediately I said no, but then I cringed as I thought. Well, yes, I will. We all do. It could be today, it could be in fifty years. I didnt have time to have that talk though. We were standing in our daycare providers kitchen, it was time for breakfast. I was taken aback and stunned. I felt like I lied to her. I always try to tell her that I will never leave her by choice, just like Daddy didnt want to until he got to Kevin. But when I do go, I will still be with her, as her angel, like Daddy, too. They say kids are resilient as hell. I have witnessed it with my own eyes and I know I will see it constantly as we make our way down this path. As this woman writes, I cant fix this. I cant. But. I will be as honest as I can and we will forge ahead together, always honoring Josh and the lives he wants for us. onefitwidow/i-cant-fix-this/
Posted on: Thu, 05 Jun 2014 14:18:17 +0000
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