Playing The Victim Don’t we all just love to let others know how we’ve been mistreated. Listen to the conversations around you, as well as your participation, and you will hear many victim stories. I noticed something about myself last night. I was out to dinner and a friend was sharing how she was the victim in a situation. I react strongly, though not necessarily wisely, when a woman plays the victim. I wasn’t any different last night. Ultimately I felt I had intruded on this person’s right to feel the way she does because of my own internal thoughts. This morning I got a life lesson by realizing that she was my mirror! She was there to let me know how I’m treating myself as a victim. I believe that when I react strongly to someone else’s thoughts or behavior, then I need to step back and see how I’m doing the same thing in my life. I do play the victim and relinquish my power. How do I do that? In so many small ways: Feel I have no choice but to listen to someone The need to put work first and me second and feeling overworked Not consistently following up on commitments I make to myself –- whether it’s eating healthy, exercising or writing more. Living with a messy office, when the rest of my house is perfectly fine. This messiness only reflects back just how busy I am and how I don’t have enough time to keep up with everything. Allowing others to decide what I want to do because it’s easier and less fearful. This is a big one for many women. Believing I don’t have power to change a situation so just go along with things. Or on the opposite spectrum, allowing anger to spurt out towards others in my desire to change the situation. Another way we play victims is in our relationships. “He said, She said” is the classic victim hood dialogue. How many hours have you spent with friends discussing what your partner did to you. Even after many years of divorce we all still gravitate to the right and wrong scenarios in our past relationships. As women, I think we garner our victim hood under the guise of “nurturing others.” We feel that we must give to others first before we give to ourselves. Not all women feel that way, but a large chunk of women channel their lives through victim hood. Victim hood saps our energy, our creativity, and our lives. We play victims because we don’t want to make the tough decisions to direct our lives in ways that are purposeful for us. We are all powerful whether we believe it or not. There are situations in which I have no control over but I always have the choice on how I will react to it and what I will do next in the situation. Playing the victim camouflages an innate responsibility we all have to live the best life we know how. As I sit here and write about victim hood and especially the ways I perpetuate it in my life, I realize that I need to focus on “1st things 1st, “ and trust the rest will fall into place. Each day I fuel my victim hood in small ways, feeling out of control, not stepping back and looking for solutions and allowing my life to slide by without stopping long enough to make a decision on where I want to go. Do I want to continue on this path? NO! Yet, I’m wise enough to know that a chronic way of thinking doesn’t magically disappear because I want to stop. What Can Be Done? Become aware of how I express myself. Watch how I communicate a situation to others. Am I presenting myself in control or not? Do I allow others to make decisions for me? If so, am I willing to make one new choice each day…no matter how small. Do I feel there are no choices? If I do, would I be willing to brainstorm all the possibilities on how I can react, behave or think differently? What About You? Where in your life do you play the victim? Where do you give your power over to someone else? Is it in past or current relationships, at work, within your family, finances or health. Do you feel as a woman that you have fewer choices? Playing the victim is ingrained into our lives and we need to be diligent to recognizing when we think we don’t have a choice. We always have a choice. What do you think? Pat “To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.” (Pat Brill)
Posted on: Fri, 02 Aug 2013 12:37:31 +0000
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