Postcard from the Fringe! Our handsome protagonist had just completed the final International Bench Day of 2014, and dragged his young, impressionable cousin Cody to Aldis with him in a quest for eggs. Grabbed em up, then decided I was going to make fifteen pounds of shepherd pie. I collected my British peasant sundries, grabbed a register, were on our way out. Whoops! say I. Done forgot the bread. Sit tight. As soon as I left the line, a middle-aged woman with recently dyed blonde hair leaned toward me conspiratorially. Im gonna tell you guys my winter joke, she said. I squinted, then nodded. Whats the difference... she began, casting a surreptitious glance across the bagel section, Between snowmen and snow-women? I made no comment on snow privilege. Snowballs! she announced, shit-eating grin in place, eyes atwinkle with Mom Joke. That was good, I told her, conjuring up the middle-aged woman smile that got me such good tips back down in the Chizz, then grabbed a loaf of bread and got back in line. Like a filthy communist. A turtle-shaped man appeared from nowhere and hurled forth a dad joke about when a door wasnt a door. It is the oldest joke known to man. I will not insult you with the punchline. Cody, sensing a shift in the paradigm, attempted to engage our new friends, and told a truly awful joke about cleaning supplies. Why was the broom late to class? he asked. I cringed preemptively. Why? the woman asked. He overswept! My very soul groaned. I paid the cashier -- who was in NO WAY AMUSED by these shenanigans -- and proceeded to the door. However, the middle-aged woman was not prepared to stop telling me jokes about testicles. One more! she said, but I was out of earshot. Fortunately, the turtle man ran me and Cody down. She told me another, he said, You want to hear it? Sure, I said, but what I wanted was to leave and eat eggs. Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? he asked. I dunno. Beer nuts are under a dollar, deer nuts are under a buck! The impact of this Mom Joke struck me with a physical force. I staggered against the car. Excellent, I said. Have a good one. I told her beer nuts are over a buck, he mumbled, mostly to himself, as he got turtled away. As we pulled out, I posited a question to Young Cody: Codus. Does this happen to other people? If I werent here, do you think someones Mom would have come out of nowhere to tell you seasonal jokes about nutsacks? No, he said. Im not very approachable. Approachab-- Im nine feet tall! Ive got crazy eyes! He shrugged, and it was then I realized: When you gaze long into the Fringe, the Fringe also gazes into you.
Posted on: Mon, 29 Dec 2014 21:26:13 +0000
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