RE: ALONE Wow! I never thought in my whole life I would learn or feel comfortable being alone. I was raised believing that I was a NOBODY for not having a relationship. While growing up I remember listening to my mother telling me, when you grow up and get married your life will feel COMPLETE. Well guess what? I never got married and having my mental illness kept getting out of control and my behavior was all over the place. I had no stability and one day I was full of energy and the next day crawling on the floor. Or within one hour crying and in two hours laughing and back to crying. I use to feel hostility if anybody said anything negative about my appearance or make a small comment or make a funny gesture at me. I would snap and storm out of the building. All symptoms of mental illness and I couldnt figure it out. But I still thought I needed someone to COMPLETE ME. I kept trying to having a relationship but than I seemed clingy and needy. If he would say, I will call you later today. I use to panic! What if he doesnt call? What if he decides to break up with me? What if he changes his mind? Anxiety would hit high in my charts. If he got busy and didnt call it became a all or nothing thought. When he decided to call me the next day I wouldnt answer. There! That will teach him. But it was a sure thing I felt chaos growing under my skin. It didnt matter. NOBODY can make me feel complete. A matter a fact I learned its not anybodys responsibility, but my very OWN. I was leaning on others. Seeking someone to depend on and if they LEFT I use to blame them for leaving me. YOU LEFT ME!! How dare you not love me anymore! I never took in consideration their side of their story. To make a long story short. When we learn to be alone we no longer put up with anyone who disrespects or not VALUE our boundaries and space. You will not longer want someone who NEEDS YOU. But wants you because they are not depending on you to manage their WORLD. Its two complete people sharing LIFE. Instead of I will fall into shredded pieces without you. I am still working on this and the path hasnt been easy. Im still working on the inner soul. But being alone is not a crime and Im not alone because of fear. Im alone because Ive been to focus on becoming COMPLETE. Love, Ana
Posted on: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 19:37:46 +0000
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