Re-run for The Church of Cod today....all the tv series are doing it... Welcome welcome WELCOME! To the Church of Jeebus Carp, Spawn of Cod and the Wholly Mackeral! SON of Parthenogenic Mary! Most Wholly Redeemer of Mary Remoralane (a shark sucker of ill repute, but fairly well to do and with no small skills)! Welcome ALL you sinners! Father Theresa cannot join us today, though he has been released from rehab. The good Father has sojourned to a Devil Ray cult in a town called {{{{SHUDDER}}}} Fishkill to find out how prevalent these Demon Spawn are. Please pray for his immortal filet of sole! Me, Im Dear Dino, Flounder and D-Con of the Church of Cod. In The Book (Your New Aquarium, Dr Herb Axelrod, Icthyologist, 1954, TFH Publications), some things are saith, and you may notice some changes in The Church tonight. In The Book, Monkfish, Paragraph 16, lines 18 and 19, it says: He that believes in Me, they will pick up snakes and scorpions with their hands and no harm shall come to them; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well. Now, for those of you who believe in literal interpretation of The Book, I have placed several cages and aquaria around The Church. There are lionfish, stingrays, electric eels, box jellyfish, sea snakes, and numerous other deadly creatures. At any time you feel the urge, you are welcome to thrust your hands into any cages and test your faith. Please keep in mind, we wont stop your fingerlings, either. If you go around various places and dont keep an eye on your own children and discipline them, what happens happens, we are not here to protect them. And if any of you feel you should advise your friends not to seek medical attention, but to just let you lay your hands on them to heal them, once again, feel free. Theres all kinds of special stupid out there and I feel it is high time to weed the flock. The Book is there to guide people, and passages can mean many things to many people in different situations. Outside of the Ten Really Special Rules That Cod Would Really Like You Not To Break, each of you is expected to get your own meaning from passages you find significant in times of need. And please remember, The Book was written by Fishe, not Cod, and sometimes the preferences of Fishe, or rules of the times, were inserted under the name of Cod because it was believed to be a good thing, that may not count today. If you follow the exact literal meaning of The Book, you are all filthy, despicable sinners without hope and NONE of you will go to the Reef Tank Of Eternal Life, to sit at the right pectoral fin of Cod on His Wholly Dais, above the Eternally Opening and Closing Bubbling Treasure Chest, Right Near the Faux Epoxy Resin Castle in the Staghorn Corals. A Cod of Love would not want you to think and feel that way, and...Brother Terry? Uhh...Brother Terry, dont reach in there, those are electric eels... ZZZAP! Praise Jeebus, I dun been healed of my kidney stones! Hallibutyah! Oh dear....Ladies and gentlemen, please join the ladies of the Cabellas Tacklebox Choir in song, Hymn 222, and if the music moves you to tap your feet, please do, if you feel the urge to speak in gills, there are those in the congregation who will interpret for you...and, Brother Terry...get a mop and some Lysol for Jeebus sake.... Dont forget our all you can eat shrimp and crablegs buffet in the Community Tank Room after services, and PLEASE, people, Church aint over until ALL the snakes are back in the bag! Join us Carpmass Eve for the unveiling of our Stained Pants Windows, and remember to keep the Carp in Carpmass! https://youtube/watch?v=7KtAgAMzaeg
Posted on: Sun, 28 Dec 2014 14:30:53 +0000
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