Remembering Ryan. There seems to be so much to say and yet words are hard to form. So let me try to stay focused on remembering Ryan. I remember hiking on Saturday, September 27 with Pam and talking about Ryan. One of the reasons we hike is to leave all of our worries and woes on the mountain. Little did I know how much I should really worry. I remember that Ryan was over at my house that same Saturday night with 12 other teenagers watching Captain America Winter soldier, holding a girls hand. I remember playing games with Ryan many places; movie theaters, my house, his house, and the beach. We played card games like Rook, Scum, and he taught us Egyptian Rat Race game at the beach where we had to slam our hands down quick to take the deck of cards to win. I remember asking Ryan at the beach if I could still talk to his ex-girlfriend. He thought the question was weird. He said why wouldnt you talk to her, she likes you. I remember Ryan picking on JT. I remember a 12 yr old Ryan and JT playing king of the hill while swimming at my house. I remember calling Pam and asking her if it was normal for boys to wrestle and be so physically violent to their friends. Pam assured me that this was normal preteen boy behavior and that I would learn since JT is my first and oldest. Although I never knew about Ryan hiding JTs sandwiches during seminary until the funeral. Ryan likes to get someones goat and JT is an easy going target. I remember arguing with a 10-year-old Ryan about whether or not people are things. I always said people are not things; people are people. Ryan said that a person is a noun and a noun is a person, place, or thing so people are things. In my minds eye I had plans of writing Ryan when he went to college or whether he served on a mission and always teasing him about people not being things. It was never really about people being things, it was about the debate. I think I even got Ryan to change his position one time when I pretended to take his side and it was funny to realize that he just wanted to debate. He didnt really have a position, he just wanted to argue with me because I was an safe target just like JT. Ryan is smart and he liked to win our debates. I think he knew what he was doing when he picked who he debated with. I remember Ryan coming to JTs eagle project. I remember Ryan being the first person to come visit JT in the hospital when he had his appendectomy. I remember dropping off Ryan and JT at EFY knowing that Ryan was having a crisis of faith. I remember Ryans favorite treat after the end of a good piano lesson was a nestle crunch bar. I remember taking Ryan with my kids to slide rock. Ryan refused to go cliff jumping down stream because of the little children and their feces that was floating downstream. (I never saw floaties). So I left Rylee with the little kids and JT Ryan and I waded in the waters upstream to go cliff jumping. I dropped my phone in the water and the sound has never worked the same but I would do anything for Ryan. I wouldnt say that JT and Ryan were best friends. But theyve known each other since they were 3. They have moms that are friends. Ryan and JT both enjoy comic books and movies. They are both quiet boys that can sit in a room and do nothing or go to a movie on a Friday night and come home by 9:30 pm when really, their moms wanted them to stay out and get in a little trouble. Ryan was involved with my family off and on for years. Looking back I can see that now but at the time I had no idea how important Ryan was in my life. I love Ryan. I wish that loving Ryan was enough. But its not. Depression is not something that we should shun or be ashamed of. We need to talk about depression. We need to talk about Ryan. We need to know that even though he did all of these great things, there was a cloud called depression around Ryans brain. His thoughts were clouded. Now that he has left this mortal life, his spirit has moved on free from that dreaded cloud of depression. Now his crisis of faith can be answered. Now he can grow and progress in the next life as a spirit. I remember Ryan fondly and often.
Posted on: Sun, 12 Oct 2014 04:23:11 +0000
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