Remy maneuvers Linguini spasmodically past the other cooks stations, wildly sniffing around for the next ingredient, a composer hunting for the next note in a new symphony. He catches a pleasing scent in Lalo’s station-- LINGUINI SNATCHES some SHALLOTS from Lalo, who looks up in SHOCK, but Linguini is already gone, racing back to his station to add the new ingredients to a heating pan. Linguini JERKS forward, tilting his toque over the pan, then PEELS OUT of his station, once again on the move. KITCHEN -SAME TIME Linguini ZIPS about snatching ingredients from the other cooks stations, a Porche apologizing for its driver. LINGUINI (ad-lib to cooks) Pardon me, just need to borrow this real quick-- sorry-- apparently I need this-- I’ll be right back-- To the others, Linguini looks deranged; a man who’s clearly lost control of both his body and his faculties. Linguini careens back into his station and DUMPS the ingredients into his pan, startling Colette-- COLETTE What are you doing? We are supposed to be preparing the Gusteau recipe. LINGUINI (stirring, flipping pan) I’m, uh... this is the recipe-- COLETTE The recipe doesn’t call for white truffle oil! What else have you-- 54. (MORE)(she looks in his pan) You are improvising?? This is no time to experiment, the customers are waiting! LINGUINI You’re right-- (to REMY, nudging toque) --I should listen to you! Linguini suddenly SLAPS his own face, then LEANS his toque over the Sweetbread. COLETTE Stop that--! LINGUINI Stop what? COLETTE Freaking me out! Whatever you’re doing-- stop it. HORST Where is the special order? Both Colette and Linguini are working quickly now, but on separate dishes, giving the appearance of a competition. COLETTE Coming! (Low to Linguini) I thought we were together on this. LINGUINI We are together. COLETTE Then what are you doing? LINGUINI It’s--- VERY hard to explain. HORST The special?? COLETTE Come get it! UNDER THE TOQUE Remy watches anxiously as Colette sets the plate at the pass to be picked up, a hank of hair in each paw, waiting for an opening. Colette glances at the recipe. COLETTE Oh-- I forgot to add the liquorice! She rushes back to get it. Remy sees his chance. Linguini finds himself grabbing his pan and hurtling toward Colette. 55. COLETTE (contd)AT THE PASS Colette is about to add the liquorice sauce when Linguini swoops in and BLOCKS HER HAND. Colette is STUNNED. Her eyes FLASH at Linguini, who looks petrified, his left hand holds his pan of saute, which trembles over the Sweetbread. COLETTE Don’t... you... dare. LINGUINI I’m not, I’m not, I’m-- Linguini dumps his saute over Colette’s dish the moment before it is swept away by the waiter Mustafa. LINGUINI (CONT’D) --sorry. Skinner enters, smiling as he walks up to Horst. SKINNER Is Linguini’s dish done yet? HORST Ya. It’s as bad as we remember. Just went out. SKINNER (serene) Did you taste it? HORST Of course... before he changed it. SKINNER Good- WHAT? How could he change it? HORST He changed it as it was going out the door! Skinner starts toward the door to the dining room, just as MUSTAFA busts through it, excited. MUSTAFA They love it! Other diners are already asking about it, about Linguini. I have seven more orders! Colette is nonplussed. Skinner FLINCHES, then forces a smile. 56.SKINNER That’s... wonderful. INSIDE LINGUINI’S TOQUE Remy slaps his paws together, relishing the night ahead. MONTAGE Crosscut between the dining room and the kitchen: orders pile up as word of the “special” spreads between diners. Remy pilots Linguini, preparing plate after plate of their hit. THE KITCHEN - LATER The dinner rush is over. The cooks congratulate their new comrade Linguini, toasting him glasses of table wine. Skinner watches from across the kitchen, STARING at the boy with a mixture of confusion, envy and resentment. As Linguini pass in front of a light Skinner SEES IT: a strange shadow within Linguini’s toque-- --the SILHOUETTE OF A RAT. Skinner’s EYES going WIDE. BACK ENTRANCE - GUSTEAU’S After a quick look around to make sure no one’s watching, Linguini removes his toque and lets Remy out. LINGUINI Take a break little Chef, get some air. We really did it tonight. Linguini unfolds a napkin, revealing a miniature picnic; fruit, bread, cheeses. Remy-- pooped but exhilarated-- beams at Linguini, who raises his glass in a salute to the rat. Linguini smiles and turns back inside. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS We follow Linguini as he crosses the kitchen, humming happily to himself. PANNING INTO FRAME is SKINNER; perched high atop a tray rack, waiting like a cat ready to pounce. He SNATCHES the toque from Linguini’s head-- 57.--and gapes in confusion when he sees nothing on top of the boy’s head. He looks at Linguini and SMILES. SKINNER (dangling the toque) Got your toque! Skinner hops to the ground, fluffing the toque with his hand before handing it back to the mystified Linguini. SKINNER Seriously now, I’d love to have a little talk with you, Linguini... in my office. LINGUINI Am I in trouble...? SKINNER Trouble? Nooo... a little wine, a friendly chat. Just us cooks. Colette watches Skinner steer Linguini into his office. HORST (to Colette, re: Linguini) The Plongeur won’t be coming to you for advice anymore, eh Colette? (nods to Skinner’s office) He’s gotten all he needs. He exits chuckling. Colette slowly turns away, stung. INSIDE SKINNER’S OFFICE Skinner settles in behind the massive desk that was formerly Gusteau’s. Linguini sits uneasily at a chair facing him, still holding his little glass of wine. SKINNER Toasting your success, eh Linguini? Good for you. LINGUINI I just took it to be polite, they were being so nice to me, I don’t really drink, you know-- SKINNER Of course you don’t. I wouldn’t either if I was drinking that-- 58.Skinner plucks the glass from Linguini’s hand, pours it into a wastebasket, and offers up a newly opened bottle of wine. SKINNER (CONT’D) -but you would have to be an idiot of elephantine proportions not to appreciate this ‘61 Chateau Latour. And you, M’sieur Linguini, are no idiot. (raising his glass) Let us toast your non-idiocy! A votre sante! They clink... and DRINK. OUTSIDE KITCHEN - BACK ENTRANCE - GUSTEAU’S Remy munches contentedly and stares at the starry sky, loving his bread, his cheese, his life. He breaks the top off a grape and-- holding the stem like a wine glass-- slowly sips it into a raisin. Something STIRS behind the trash cans. Remy FREEZES, suddenly alert. Some kind of CREATURE is eating in the shadows. Remy grabs the cheese knife and timidly goes to investigate. The creature LOOKS UP, its glowing eyes fix on Remy. Remy GULPS, raises the knife. The creature LEAPS into the light-- EMILE REMY! REMY Emile--?? They rush to each other, hugging and laughing. REMY What are you doing here?! I thought I’d never see you guys again! EMILE I can’t believe it! You’re alive! You made it! We figured you didn’t survive the rapids! REMY And what are you eating?? Emile stares at Remy, chewing. He looks down, pondering the unrecognizable wad in his hands for a long beat. He FROWNS. EMILE I don’t really know. I think it was some sort of wrapper once. 59.REMY What--? No. Remy grabs the wad and throws it away with a flourish. REMY You’re in Paris now, baby. My town. No brother of mine eats rejectamenta in my town! Remy turns on his heel and marches back into the kitchen. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER Remy climbs to the pull handle on the FOOD SAFE DOOR and hesitates there. LAUGHTER emanates from inside of Skinner’s office. Remy leaps to the handle and with considerable effort pushes it open, UNLOCKING the massive door. GUSTEAU appears. GUSTEAU SPRITE Remy... you are stealing? You told Linguini he could trust you. REMY And he can. It’s for my brother... GUSTEAU SPRITE The boy could lose his job. REMY Which means I would, too. It’s under control, okay? Remy shoves past the Gusteau spite and into the safe. The sprite VANISHES. INSIDE SKINNER’S OFFICE - SAME TIME Linguini sits back in his chair, looking a bit tipsy. SKINNER More wine? LINGUINI I shouldn’t. But okay. He offers his glass to Skinner, who refills it generously. SKINNER So where did you train, Linguini? 60.LINGUINI (chuckles, drinking) Train? Alright... SKINNER Surely you don’t expect me to believe this is your first time cooking? LINGUINI It’s not. SKINNER I KNEW IT! LINGUINI It’s my... (stops, counts on fingers) ...second, third, four-- fifth time. Monday was my first time. (Skinner wilts) But I’ve taken out the garbage lots of times before this, that’s why I-- SKINNER (cutting him off, pouring) Yes yes yes. Have some more wine. Tell me about your interests. Do you like animals? LINGUINI What--? Animals? What kind? SKINNER Oh, the usual. Dogs, cats, horses, guinea pigs... (pointed) ...rats. BACK ENTRANCE - GUSTEAU’S - MINUTES LATER Remy carries a small bundle of gourmet foodstuffs from the kitchen, only to find Emile again munching on garbage. REMY I brought you something to-- AGH!! No no NO! Spit that out right now! (Emile does, shamed) I have GOT to teach you about food! Close your eyes. 61.As Emile closes his eyes, his SURROUNDINGS FADE TO BLACK. Remy delicately holds a hunk of cheese under Emile’s nose-- REMY Now... take a bite of thi-- Emile INHALES it. Horrified, Remy scolds him like a bad pet. REMY (CONT’D) -NO NO NO! Don’t just hork it down! EMILE Too late. Annoyed, Remy hands him another piece of cheese. Emile eats it, this time more carefully. REMY Chew it slowly... think only about the taste. See? A vague, grayish BLOB half-forms above his head. It MOVES to undefined MUSIC as Emile struggles to experience the food... EMILE Not really. REMY Creamy, salty sweet. An oaky nuttiness? You detect that? Emile opens his eyes (surroundings reappear), looks at Remy. EMILE Oh, I’m detecting nuttiness. REMY Close your eyes. Now taste this. (gives him a strawberry) Whole different thing, right? Sweet, crisp, slight tang on the finish? The BLOB reappears, but this time with a hint of color. EMILE Okay. REMY Now try them together. Uh-huh. See? 62.Emile eats both together and chews, concentrating. Slowly the weak COLORS become bolder and more complimentary. They begin to dance and intermingle as a little MELODY takes shape... EMILE Okay... I think I’m getting a little something there. It might be the nuttiness. Could be the tang. REMY That’s it! Now imagine every great taste in the world being combined into infinite combinations, tastes that no one has tried yet!! Discoveries to be made! EMILE I think--- you lost me again. Emile opens his eyes. The SHAPES and SOUND FADE AWAY. Sensing Remy’s disappointment, Emile reassures him. EMILE But that was interesting. Most interesting garbage I ever-- HEY! What are we doing? Dad doesn’t know you’re alive. We’ve gotta go to the colony!! Everyone will be thrilled! REMY Yeah... but, uh... thing is, I kinda have to... uh... Remy gestures vaguely at the kitchen. Emile frowns. EMILE What? What do you “hafta” more than family? What’s more important? He glares furiously at Remy, whose resolve starts to crumble. REMY Well, it wouldn’t hurt to visit... INSIDE SKINNER’S OFFICE - STILL LATER A few EMPTY BOTTLES of wine litter Skinner’s desk. Linguini is BOMBED, but Skinner’s increasingly desperate inquisition is getting nowhere. SKINNER Have you ever had a pet rat?? LINGUINI Nope. 63.SKINNER Did you work in a lab with rats? LINGUINI Nope. SKINNER Perhaps you lived in squalor at some point?? LINGUINI Nopety nopety new. SKINNER I KNOW you know something about RATS! You know you do!! LINGUINI You know who know do whacka do. Ratta tatta- hey! Why do they call it that? SKINNER What?! LINGUINI Ratatouille. There’s a dish called that, it’s like a stew, right? Why do they call it that? If you’re gonna name a food you should give it a name that sounds delicious. Ratatouille doesn’t sound delicious. It sounds like rat. And patooty. Rat patooty! Which does NOT sound delicious. Linguini drinks, finds his glass empty. He smiles, offering his glass for Skinner to refill. SKINNER (scowling) Regrettably-- He drops the empty bottle into the trash with a loud THUNK. SKINNER (CONT’D) --we are all out of wine. INSIDE SEWER - RAT COMMONS - A LITTLE LATER Several channels converge into a wide, open area as dreary and uninviting as any sewer, save for a flotilla of tiny BOATS illuminated by a scattering of multi-colored lanterns that answer the gloom with magic. Holding their clasped paws up victoriously, Django turns from Remy to face the assembled crowd of rats. 64.DJANGO MY SON... HAS RETURNED! An enormous CHEER erupts. Emile joins Django and Remy as the clan crowds around them. Remy’s joy is clouded with doubt; what about his new life? RAT ENCAMPMENT - LATER A PARTY is in full swing. The entire rat clan has come out to bop to boisterous MUSIC played by a jazzy RAT BAND, kicking down the jams in a unique gypsy/jitterbug dance style that takes full advantage of their tails and all four legs. Joined by his sons, Django sits at a prime table. A WAITER RAT quickly serves a round of drinks in well-worn thimbles between them. Emile and Django suck theirs down. Remy takes a discreet whiff and sets it aside. DJANGO And finding someone to replace you for poison checker has been a disaster. Nothing’s been poisoned, thank God, but it hasn’t been easy. You didn’t make it easy. REMY I know. I am sorry, Dad. DJANGO Well, the important thing is that you’re home. REMY Yeah... well, uh, about that... DJANGO You look thin. Why is that? A shortage of food or a surplus of snobbery? Emile joins in as Django cracks up at his own joke. DJANGO It’s tough out there in the big world all alone, isn’t it? REMY Sure... but, it’s not like I’m a kid anymore. 65.A well-wisher drops by to say hello to Django. Remy takes advantage of the distraction to quickly deliver the bad news. REMY I can take care of myself. I’ve found a nice spot not far away, so I’ll be able to visit often. DJANGO (resuming conversation) Nothing like a cold splash of reality to make you-- (sudden realization) --“visit”? REMY I will, I promise. Often. DJANGO You’re not staying? REMY It’s not a big deal, Dad. (gently) You didn’t think I was going to stay forever, did you? Eventually a bird’s gotta leave the nest. DJANGO We’re not birds, we’re rats. We don’t leave nests, we make them bigger. REMY Maybe I’m different kind of rat. DJANGO Maybe you’re not a rat at all. REMY Maybe that’s a good thing. EMILE (trying to break tension) Hey, the band’s really on tonight! REMY Rats! All we do is take, Dad. I’m tired of taking. I want to make things! I want to add something to this world. 66.DJANGO You’re talking like a human. REMY Who are not as bad as you say. DJANGO Oh yeah? EMILE Oh man... DJANGO What makes you so sure? Remy hesitates for a beat, suddenly careful. REMY I’ve uh, been able to, uh, observe them at a close-ish sort of range. DJANGO Yeah? How close? REMY Close enough. And they’re, y’know, not so bad. As you say. They are. Django GLARES at Remy, scrutinizing him. DJANGO Come with me... I got something I want you to see. He moves from the table, dropping to all fours and heading off. Reluctantly, Remy does likewise, leaving Emile alone. EMILE You know... I think I’ll stay here. KITCHEN - GUSTEAU’S RESTAURANT - SAME TIME The sound of raindrops patter against the skylight. Skinner, bundled up in a well-tailored overcoat, throws a scarf around his neck. Linguini tipsily hands him his beret. SKINNER Make sure the floors and countertops are clean before you lock up. LINGUINI You want me to... stay and clean? 67.SKINNER Is that a problem? Linguini slumps and drunkenly shakes his head “no”. SKINNER Good boy. See you tomorrow. Skinner exits, humming. Linguini watches him go with weary eyes. He turns to face the messy kitchen... and wilts. PARIS STREET - NIGHT It’s raining harder now. Django and Remy arrive at a drain opening, through which can be glimpsed the rough cobblestones of a city street. DJANGO We’re here. Django scrambles out the curb-side drain and turns to face the storefront behind them. Remy sits next to him and looks up, following his father’s gaze. His jaw drops in horror. Displayed in the window of the small shop are a variety of nasty looking metal traps, RAT TRAPS to be precise, and along side of those hang row after row of DEAD RATS. DJANGO Take a good, long look, Remy. This is what happens when a rat gets a little too comfortable around humans. Remy looks away. Django’s tone is tender, but firm. DJANGO The world we live in belongs to the enemy. We must live carefully. We look out for our own kind, Remy. When all is said and done, we’re all we’ve got. His point made, Django turns to go. Remy stares up at the horrible window, then softly says-- REMY No. DJANGO (stops in his tracks) What..? 68.REMY No, Dad. I don’t believe it. You’re telling me that the future is-- can ONLY be-- (points at window) --more of this? DJANGO This... is the way things are. You can’t change nature. REMY Change IS nature, Dad. The part that we can influence. And it starts when we decide. With that, Remy turns and-- walking upright on two legs-- starts back to Gusteau’s. Django calls after him. DJANGO Where you goin’? REMY With luck... forward. OUTSIDE BACK KITCHEN ENTRANCE - GUSTEAU’S - MORNING The storm has passed and the sky is cloudless and clear. As a weary Remy exits the sewer, the fresh air hits his nostrils and he draws it in like a sweet memory. He exhales, renewed and happy to be back in his brave new world. Forgetting himself, he trots for the kitchen entrance on two legs, throwing a reckless wave at a passing CYCLIST. The cyclist DOUBLE-TAKES, craning his neck to look at the bizarre sight-- and collides with a parked car. KITCHEN - GUSTEAU’S RESTAURANT Remy enters and looks around. No one has arrived yet. Remy steps on to the counter top and surveys the kitchen, savoring the day ahead. And then he hears the sound. SNORING. He TAKES COVER and peers out. No one is there, but the SNORING persists. He peers cautiously over the edge-- REMY’S POV --as Remy walks forward, REVEALING: 69.LINGUINI-- curled up on the floor and slumbering like a vagrant. Remy looks at the clock, realizing with horror that the others are about to arrive. Remy jumps onto Linguini’s head like a rough rider on a fallen horse and-- expertly TUGGING hanks of Linguini’s hair, manages to get the boy up on his feet. But Linguini remains FAST ASLEEP. Remy lifts one of Linguini’s heavy EYELIDS and waves frantically at a staring eye-- but Linguini is OUT COLD. The SOUND of a motorcycle arriving at the rear entrance causes Remy to looks around in desperation. He spies a pair of SUNGLASSES near the cook’s lockers. Colette ENTERS, unpleasantly surprised to find LINGUINI already at work. She crosses to their station and starts prep. Remy has hidden Linguini’s shut eyes behind sunglasses, unintentionally giving him the air of a smug ROCK STAR. Though Linguini remains fast ASLEEP, Remy pulls his hair to keep the boy’s limbs working somewhat convincingly. COLETTE (cool, formal) Good morning. INTERCUT: UNDER LINGUINI’S TOQUE/ COLETTE & LINGUINI Remy pulls hair, nervously puppeting the sleeping Linguini. How can he make Linguini answer? He PULLS a side hair hank-- --causing Linguini’s head to loll to Colette, give her a lazy nod, then turn back to his work. COLETTE So. The Chef. He invited you in for a drink? That’s big... that’s big. What did he say? UNDER LINGUINI’S TOQUE Remy hesitates. There’s no hair he can pull for speech! Desperate, he pulls the head-turn hair again. RESUME SCENE Linguini’s head lolls lazily back to Colette, the effect being a smug “What do you think he said, babe?” 70.COLETTE What-- you can’t tell me? Linguini is silent. He resumes cutting. Colette goes cold. COLETTE Oh. Forgive me for intruding on your deep, personal relationship with the Chef. I see how it is. You get me to teach you a few kitchen tricks to dazzle the boss, and then you blow past me? UNDER LINGUINI’S TOQUE Things are going bad fast. Remy keeps Linguini chopping, hoping desperately for an idea to salvage the situation. REMY Ca’mon. Wake up... wake up--! RESUME SCENE Linguini keeps chopping vegetables like a hip zombie. His smirking face rolls in Colette’s direction. COLETTE (small, hurt) I thought you were different. I thought you thought I was different. I thought-- Now, seemingly looking straight at her, Linguini SNORES. Colette GASPS and delivers a roundhouse SLAP to Linguini’s face. Linguini CORKSCREWS and CRASHES to the floor. Linguini-- now completely awake and utterly confused at the crucial chunk of his life he’s somehow missed-- looks up at the furious Colette with wide eyes. COLETTE I didn’t have to help you. If I looked out only for myself, I could have let you drown. But-- (this is hard for her) --I wanted you to succeed. I liked you. My mistake. 71.Colette turns, storming out the kitchen’s back door. Both Linguini and Remy- who peers out of Linguini’s fallen toque, watch he go. Linguini turns to Remy. LINGUINI It’s over, Little Chef. I can’t do it any more. He grabs the toque with Remy inside and runs after Colette. OUTSIDE GUSTEAU’S - ALLEY BEHIND KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Colette is already on her motorcycle. Linguini runs to her. LINGUINI Stop--! Don’t motorcycle away-- (She atops, looks at him) Look. I’m no good with words. I’m no good with food, either. At least not without your help. COLETTE I hate false modesty. It’s just another way to lie. You have talentLINGUINI But I don’t! Really! It’s not me! UNDER LINGUINI’S TOQUE Remy eyes widen: this can’t be happening. RESUME LINGUINI & COLETTE LINGUINI (CONT’D) And when I added those extra ingredients instead of following the recipe like you said-- that wasn’t me either! COLETTE What do you mean? LINGUINI I mean I wouldn’t have done that. I would’ve followed the recipe, I would’ve followed your advice. I would’ve followed your advice to the ends of the earth because I love-- your advice. 72.COLETTE But... ? LINGUINI But... I have a secret. UNDER LINGUINI’S TOQUE Remy’s really getting worried now. REMY (softly) Don’t do it... RESUME SCENE Colette’s eyes narrow. She’s not liking the sound of this. LINGUINI It’s sort of disturbing. Linguini chuckles sheepishly, then straightens as if to make an announcement, taking a deep breath. LINGUINI I have a rr... aah--uht... COLETTE What...? LINGUINI I have a rahh... tshCOLETTE You have a rash? LINGUINI NO! No... I have this tiny... a little, uh... little... a-- (quickly blurts it out) -tiny chef who tells me what to do. COLETTE A tiny chef. LINGUINI Yes... yes, he’s... uh, uhhhmmn... (points to toque) ...he’s up here-- 73.COLETTE In your brain. LINGUINI Why is it so hard to talk to you?? (gathering courage) Okay. Here we go. You-- inspire me. I’m going to risk it all. I’m going to risk looking like the biggest idiot psycho you’ve ever seen. Colette is starting to get scared. We follow her HAND as it drops discreetly into her BAG and emerges clutching a tiny cannister of PEPPER SPRAY. Linguini continues, impassioned. LINGUINI (CONT’D) You wanna know why I’m such a fast learner? Why I’m such a great cook? Don’t laugh! I’m going to show you-- Colette looks WORRIED. With great resolve and trembling hands, Linguini slowly reaches up to remove his toque-- INSIDE LINGUINI’S TOQUE Through the cloth Remy watches LINGUINI’S HANDS CLOSING IN-- about to expose him and ruin it all! He YANKS on Linguini’s hair, thrusting Linguini forward toward Colette’s face-- ON LINGUINI --as he plants a big KISS on Colette’s lips. Colette is frozen, pepper spray in hand, her shock and surprise surpassed only by Linguini’s own. INSIDE LINGUINI’S TOQUE With furrowed brows and gritted teeth, Remy maintains Linguini’s forward thrust kiss. This could go either way. INTERCUT LINGUINI & COLETTE --as they continue their startled kiss, their eyes flash through a myriad of emotions; surprise, fear, anger, vulnerability, happiness, and finally-- surrender. Their arms wrap around each other. 74.INSIDE LINGUINI’S TOQUE Remy COLLAPSES with relief. For the moment anyway, the fragile charade survives. INSIDE EGO’S OFFICE - LATE AFTERNOON A very tall, very narrow room, simultaneously grand and claustrophobic. Its soaring windows are framed by heavy velvet drapes pulled nearly shut, allowing in only a thin sliver of pale light. The few pieces of antique furniture in the room are equally tall, narrow, straight-backed and uncomfortable looking. The faded burgundy walls are decorated with framed photographs and magazine covers, precisely arranged around a massive PORTRAIT PAINTING. Their single subject, a tall, cadaverous man dressed in an expensive suit; ANTON EGO-- --the same Anton Ego who now sits at a desk that is the rooms focal point, looming over an ancient typewriter like a vulture with better posture. The rooms lone door opens, and a short, pudgy man in his midthirties enters. This is Ego’s assistant, AMBRISTER MINION. EGO What is it, Ambrister? MINION Gusteau’s. EGO Finally closing is it? MINION No... EGO More financial trouble? MINION No, it’s-- EGO (losing patience) --announced a new line of microwave eggroles, what? Spit it out. 75.MINION --it’s come back. It’s... (bewildered) ... popular. Ego looks up, eyes flashing. EGO I haven’t reviewed Gusteau’s in years. MINION No, Sir. Ego pulls open his files, deftly riffling through folders. EGO My last review condemned it to the tourist trade. MINION Yes, Sir... Ego locates the review and plucks it from the files, reading it aloud as if it were divinely inspired. EGO I said-- (reading) “Gusteau has finally found his rightful place in history, right alongside another, equally famous Chef-- Monsieur ‘Boyardee’”. MINION Touche’... Rising from his desk, Ego moves menacingly toward Minion. EGO That is where I left it. That was my last word. THE last word. MINION Yes. EGO Then tell me, Ambrister... Ego now LOOMS over the cowering Minion. EGO (CONT’D) ... how could it be... “popular”? 76.SKINNER’S OFFICE - DAY Skinner is seated at his desk, his head in his hands. Talon sits in a chair across from him, sipping an espresso. SKINNER No no no NO NO NOOO! TALON (matter of fact) The DNA matches, the timing works, everything checks out. He is Gusteau’s son. SKINNER This can’t just-- happen! The whole thing is a set-up! The boy knows! Skinner goes to his window, parts the blinds to the kitchen. SKINNER Look at him out there... pretending to be an idiot! He’s toying with my mind, like a cat with a ball! Of... something! TALON String? SKINNER Yes! Playing dumb! Taunting me with that rat! TALON Rat? SKINNER Yes! He’s consorting with it! Deliberately trying to make me think it’s important! TALON The rat. SKINNER Exactly. The lawyer is watching Skinner now, eyes wide with worry. TALON (delicately) Is the rat... “important”? 77.SKINNER Of course not! He just wants me to think that it is! Oh, I see the theatricality of it; a rat appears on the boy’s first night, I order him to kill it and now he wants me to see it everywhere-- woooooooo-- (snaps fingers wildly) -it’s here, no it isn’t, it’s HERE! Am I seeing things, am I crazy, is there a phantom rat or is there not? But ohhh no! I refuse to be sucked into his little game... of-- Skinner is suddenly aware that Talon is staring at him. TALON Should I be concerned about this? (pointedly) About you? KITCHEN Linguini/Remy are cooking. As Colette walks by, Linguini’s eyes, then head start to follow her-- INSIDE LINGUINI’S TOQUE Remy wonders why Linguini’s head has drifted away from the task at hand. He looks up: sees Colette. Rolling his eyes at Linguini’s limited concentration, he pulls Linguini’s hair-- RESUME SCENE Linguini’s head jerks face forward. He frowns, annoyed at Remy’s correction. Colette is cooking at the oven behind him now. And Linguini’s eyes have drifted back to her.. ...following the curves of her legs slowly up... to her FACE. She turns, catching him-- and SMILES. He smiles back. INSIDE LINGUINI’S TOQUE With waning patience, Remy again JERKS Remy back on task. SKINNER’S OFFICE - SAME TIME Skinner PACES back and forth in front of Talon. 78.SKINNER I can’t fire him! He’s getting attention! If I fire him now everyone will wonder why and the last thing I want is people looking into this! TALON What are you so worried about? Isn’t it good to have the press? Isn’t it good to have Gusteau’s name getting headlines? SKINNER (points at Linguini photo) Not if they’re over HIS face!! Gusteau’s already has a face, and it’s fat and lovable and familiar! And it sells burritos! Millions and millions of burritos! TALON The deadline passes in three days, then you can fire him whenever he ceases to be a valuable. You’re still in charge, and no one will ever know. Talon prepares to leave, hesitates at the door-- TALON You know, I was worried about the hair sample you gave me. I had to send it back to the lab. SKINNER Why? TALON Because the first time it came back identified as “rodent hair”. Talon shrugs, chuckles and EXITS. Skinner stares, HAUNTED. KITCHEN Under Remy’s direction, Linguini reaches for a spice. Colette interrupts, handing him another one. COLETTE No, no. Try this. It’s better. 79.UNDER THE TOQUE Remy looks at the offered spice, and scowls; he begs to differ. As Linguini reaches to take the spice, Remy pulls back on his hair-- INTERCUT: LINGUINI & COLETTE WITH REMY Linguini FLINCHES, his hand HESITATING; withdrawing then reaching-- forward-back-forward-back. Colette watches this odd display, still holding the spice out. Linguini grabs the wrist of his reaching hand, forcing it toward the spices, as-- --REMY TUGS at Linguini’s hair, directing him just as hard in the opposite direction. It’s a battle for control-- --that Linguini WINS; his hand finally grabs he spice tin. He smiles at Colette. Underneath the toque, Remy GRIMACES. ALLEYWAY BEHIND KITCHEN - LATER The dinner rush finished, Linguini and Colette exit the kitchen laughing and holding hands. She pulls him aboard her motorcycle and they peel out into the young Paris night. PARIS STREETS - TRAVELING - NIGHT Linguini and Colette laugh and scream as the wind rips by, Linguini barely able to hang on to his toque and we realize-- --REMY IS STILL INSIDE, HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE! As Colette takes a sharp turn, Linguini drops his arms to steady himself- --and his TOQUE (WITH REMY INSIDE) FLIES OFF HIS HEAD and tumbles to the street! Dazed, Remy emerges from the battered toque to see Colette’s cycle disappear over the horizon! Car horns BLARE. Remy turns to see a massive WALL OF TRAFFIC barreling toward him. He dives clear as CARS roar past, wheels screech and lights flash in all directions as he madly scrambles out of their way, finally making it to the curb. Remy looks up as a young woman recoils, jumping back into her sweethearts arms. 80.WOMAN A RAT! Her escort swats at Remy with his coat. Remy runs, jumping into a nearby STORM DRAIN. INSIDE THE STORM DRAIN Remy tumbles to the cement floor, his heart pounding. Through the grate he sees the legs of the WOMAN and her ESCORT. WOMAN (O.S.) Disgusting little creatures... Remy listens, pained. He spies his reflection in a pool of water at this feet. He turns, slowly disappearing into the sewer’s darkness. REMY (V.O.) I was reminded how fragile it all was. How the world really saw me. And it just kept getting better... OUTSIDE BACK ENTRANCE - GUSTEAU’S - DAWN Remy emerges from the curb drain, turns into the alley behind GUSTEAU’S and heads up the back steps... EMILE (O.S.) Psst! Remy... Remy turns. EMILE peeks out from behind the trash cans, where he waits with a GROUP OF RATS, including GIT, the lab rat. EMILE Hey little brother! We were afraid you weren’t gonna show up! GIT Hey Remy. Howya doin’? OTHER RATS (assorted greetings) Remy takes Emile aside, speaking in an angry whisper. REMY You told them? Emile, that’s exactly what I said not to do! 81.EMILE But they’re my friends. I didn’t think you meant-- I was telling ‘em about tasting, about the nutty tang and look, I’m sorry. I’m sorryREMY Don’t tell me you’re sorry, tell them you’re sorryGIT has approached. GIT There a problem over here? REMY No. (SCOWLS at Emile) No, there is not. Wait here. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER Assured the kitchen is empty, Remy hops to door handle of the food safe and grabs it with both arms, plants his feet on the door and pulls. The handle doesn’t budge, the door is LOCKED. Remy is puzzled. He looks toward SKINNER’S OFFICE. SKINNER’S OFFICE Remy enters, a little nervous, and scampers up to Skinner’s desk. A framed black and white PHOTO of Gusteau speaks. GUSTEAU PHOTO Remy, what are you doing in here? REMY Emile shows up-- I said not to, but he goes and blabs- it’s a disaster. Anyway, they’re hungry, the food safe is locked, I need the key. GUSTEAU PHOTO They want you to steal food? REMY Yes. No-- it’s complicated. It’s family. They don’t have your idealsThe collection of cardboard GUSTEAU STANDEES come to life: 82.TEXAN GUSTEAU Ideals? If Chef Fancy Pants had any ideals you think I’d be hawkin’ barbecue over here? MEXICAN GUSTEAU Or Microwave burritos? COLONEL GUSTEAU Or tooth- I say, toothpickin’ Chicken? S’about as French as a Corn Dawg! The SKETCH of Gusteau as a dog-like ear of corn BARKS. CORN DOG GUSTEAU (waves COMING SOON sign) Woof! Rumming Roon! * TEXAN GUSTEAU HAH! We’re inventin’ new ways to sell out over here! SCOTTISH GUSTEAU Will ye’ be wantin’ some HAGGIS BITES, then? GUSTEAU PHOTO I cannot control how they use my image Remy, I am dead! REMY Will you guys SHUT UP?? (they do, instantly) I’ve gotta think! Remy climbs over the edge of Skinner’s desk, pushes open the drawer, and begins to rummage through its contents. REMY (CONT’D) Word’s getting out and if I can’t keep them quiet...the entire clan’s going to be after me with their mouths open and- (he finds the key) --ah! Here it is. Hey... Remy notices a FILE labeled “Gusteau: Last Will & Testament”. He turns to the Gusteau portrait. REMY ...your will--! GUSTEAU PHOTO This used to be my office. Remy pulls the file from the drawer and lays it on the desk. REMY This is interesting. Mind if I--? GUSTEAU PHOTO Not at all. 83.Remy flips open the file. There, alongside Gusteau’s will, are recent press clippings featuring LINGUINI, and the letter to Skinner from Linguini’s mother. REMY “Linguini”..? Why would Linguini be filed with your will? MUSIC BUILDS as Remy reads; his eyes jumping between the LETTER and the WILL, his eyes getting BIGGER until-- REMY HE’S YOUR SON??? GUSTEAU I... have a... SON? REMY YES. How could you not know this?? GUSTEAU (defensive) I am a figment of your imagination! You did not know! How could I??
Posted on: Thu, 15 Jan 2015 03:34:45 +0000