Sad to say every day until this morning including Saturday and Sunday since Thursday the 16th was Wednesday. I have been stuck in that bizarre time loop that is Reactive Depression. I had not been that depressed since August 2011 when my mother let us know that she was not going to do another round of chemo. I already knew that at the time. But it was so final once she started trying to make it clear to everyone. At the same time I was working for a prematurely old man who was not much older than I am. He was prematurely old because of the devastating effects of having volunteered as a young officer to go fight in Vietnam. Agent Orange strikes deep and into your life it will creep. I still do not understand either him or his rage, the kind of rage that makes you so angry that your self-destruction seeps out and creeps into the lives of those around you - even if, like him, youre the kind of person who never intentionally wanted to hurt people. My mothers cancer did not change her personality. She did not want to have her first round of chemo - she did that because she was a mother and three of her children wanted her to. I knew she didnt but fortunately at that point had reached of knowing when to keep my opinion to myself for the greater good - keeping the peace toward the end of a stronger support system. I owe vigil both on the home front and every day on that job for the calmness in my life today. There is nothing quite like learning patience in real time.
Posted on: Sat, 25 Oct 2014 16:00:44 +0000
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