Self Portraits #1 & #2 Mar. 30, 2014 Taken on a whim upon having my first digital camera, which should tell you how retro I am. Ive always had somebody else take my picture, as if it would make any difference, but I dont spend a lot of time looking in the mirror (there was a mirror behind the camera so I could see the screen from behind) and I never have. I was once seeing a cute little school teacher named Sarah, and things were going just fine for a couple of weeks, maybe. They could have lasted a bit longer and it wouldnt have bothered me none. But there came a time in our relationship when it was time to meet each others family, who were my sisters family for me, and who were her mom and dad in Arkansas for her. Dont let anyone ever tell you that Arkansas has ever been short of religious zealots, and her parents were no exception to the Southern Baptist tradition. Of course, it can hardly get more religious than my sisters folks, but whereas my kin in Eastern Oklahoma were very nice to that young lady - even gave us their own bedrooms to sleep in, her folks were somewhat less hospitable in their treatment of me. Her mother told Sarah that my eyes were hypnotic and she considered me a nutcase, and to get away from me but fast! So that ended that. I guess thats what I see when I look in those sad, blue eyes that has lost many a once-in-a lifetime-lover over something I can do nothing about. I figure if you dont want get hypnotized, look at something else. I meant to impress Sarahs mother, but I sure didnt want that unintended consequence. I wanted to get married right off, and maybe she was just applying the brakes, but this union made in heaven quickly went off the tracks to an untimely demise. But, damn, old age is pain. I wish I could make it easier for myself, and I do a lot of things to make it go a little smoother, but still theres nothing I can do about it. I dont believe the eyes age like the rest of the body. I still see 10 year old Dan that was given a set of Readers Digest Condensed Books instead of a new bike for his birthday in Pineville, Louisiana. And the look on my face, most familiar to dog owners, of Is that all, Mama?, but I thanked her because it was the only birthday gift I would ever have. And I see 21 yr old Dan making his first marriage proposal, though I was drunk at the time to parody Pink Floyd, and wouldnt remember it but nonetheless found myself a married man two weeks later. I guess that engagement period could have lasted a bit longer and I may have changed my mind, or at least made a couple of phone calls to get some history on the subject. And I see that mid-40s Dan trying to sleep in his van at the Lakeshore Park in Mandeville, Louisiana as a thunderstorm sweeps the waters of Lake Pontchartrain into his drivers side window (that got jammed half-open) and out his front floorboards under the doors, or maybe not. And I was reflecting, at the time, that perhaps those silt-filled and soot-filled and hurricane-debris-filled waters would wash all my filth out with them, and I could begin again, someday. This is now, this is today, this is me without my make up, and having just finished washing some paint tools. This is me in the middle of a rather pleasant Sunday evening resting up for another very busy week of painting projects, 8 guitar students, and 1 very pretty and talented 6 year young Lanae Mansfield who is learning to play by ear! And a perfect ear the lass has for music, and can play the piano along with my 12-string guitar (and there are exactly 2 times the strings as Lanaes age - and she can play all the notes on the piano that I have on my guitar. And finds them herself by listening to the note!) Lanae is my reward for quitting drinking and saying No. to the devil and his devices of entrapment, and saying Yes! to a Savior Whose mercies endure forever! This is me without any desire for anything that I dont know already is coming if it is not already here. This is me about to make a leap of faith into a glorious future that can only be described as Gods Will concerning me.
Posted on: Mon, 31 Mar 2014 01:57:12 +0000
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