Several weeks ago, during the hottest stretch of weather of the entire summer, an opossum was hit in front of my house. After three days of baking in the 95+ degree sun, it swelled like a balloon, and burst open sending its rotting organ juice all over the road. What I then witnessed will continue to haunt me for the entirety of my life. On the 4rth day of opossum cookout, two of my neighbor’s lab-mix dogs smelled this carrion and ran over to inspect. The first dog (which I will call Dog #1), discovering that it was the most rancid and disgusting thing on the entire planet, began to chow down on the half decayed carcass. The rotting meat was so revolting that the dog’s body instantly rejected it. The forceful puking of the dog can only be compared to that of a high-speed train derailing into an orphanage full of children wearing grey fur coats. The second dog (Dog #2…bet you didn’t see that coming…) then decided to give it a try, and began to lap up the opossum vomit from the first dog. It also threw up, at which point Dog #1 tried to ingest the opossum again…unsuccessfully. Both dogs decided that because this rotten animal smelled so good, they had both better roll in it, as well as the vomit from each dog. And they did. But my story does not end there. My neighbor, upon seeing the dogs in the middle of my street, yelled “Hey! Do your business!” which prompted the dogs to return to their yard. In the front yard, Dog #1 then took a steaming shit while Dog #2 watched attentively. As dog logic would predict, Dog #2 ran right over and devoured the ENTIRE pile of dog shit while Dog #1 licked the butthole of Dog #2. Awesome. *note. If this dog could eat 2 pounds of dog shit without a problem, this dead animal must have been foul to a level that I cannot even imagine
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 18:43:12 +0000
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